LYING BACK AND THINKING OF ENGLAND.

THE GUARDIAN

(26/01/2011).

Remember last week my telling you about PRINCE SUMMERFIELD, the 5ft 8in (1.76m), 10 stone (63.5kg) schoolboy suspended from school as the head teacher had his suspicions about the 'boy's' age? Well ........

Those suspicions were laid to rest as the head teacher of the 14-year-old's school admitted that he had made a mistake by excluding him because he thought the boy was actually 24.

While most people consider one education enough, there is at least one example of an adult masquerading as a schoolboy. In 1994, a 32-year-old man spent a year at a school in Scotland posing as a 17-year-old pupil. - Jeevan Vasagar. (READ MORE)

I know I promised not to mention the royal wedding again but I thought this worthy of a mention.

ROYAL WEDDING ART. It may be three months away, but the art world is getting its responses in early.

 Last week, female students from the Royal College of Art dressed up in the now-infamous blue wrap-style dress Kate Middleton wore to announce her betrothal, lined up outside Buckingham Palace, and, ring fingers extended, would say only the following to curious passers-by: "I'm Kate. It's wonderful to meet you. I'm very excited about the wedding.

And in February, Jennifer Rubell's Engagement, a life-size sculpture of Prince William, will be unveiled. Spectators can link arms with it, Middleton-style, and imitate their engagement pose. "The royal wedding is a Prince Charming fantasy that still seems to speak to women," she says. "So I wanted to offer those women a chance to stand in Kate's place. I hope it's not just women who step up, though."  - Rosie Swash.

THE CHRONICLE

(27/01/2011).

Yes, we also had a sock hungry monster living in our washing machine.

Families in the North East (of England) are more likely to lose their socks in the washing machine compared to any other part of the UK, a survey has revealed.

The questionnaire of 1,500 people revealed missing socks are most likely to affect men, and that northerners are top of the list as the most likely victims of sock disappearances, with 67% of households reporting they lose up to 15 socks a year. (Can any of you beat that number?)

With Valentines Day only a fortnight or so away, how's this for a romantic story.

HUNT FOR SOLDIER WHO PROPOSED ON VOICEMAIL. The Ministry of Defence was today due to contact units in Afghanistan in a bid to trace the mystery squaddie who left a voicemail proposing to his girlfriend on a Tyneside woman’s phone.

The hunt is on for the pregnant girlfriend of the British soldier who has no idea that her partner wants to marry her because he dialled the wrong number.

In the heartrending answerphone message (which can be heard by clicking on the above link), the soldier, thought to be calling from Afghanistan, tells his girlfriend Samantha how much he loves her and their unborn child, before finally proposing marriage but the 90-second call was received by 44-year-old mother-of-three Diane Potts, from Whickham, Gateshead, not the mystery Samantha. -Sophie Doughty.

THE TELEGRAPH.

(29/01/2011).

How's this for a welcome?

Passengers arriving at Manchester Airport are to be greeted by holograms of staff in an attempt to reduce queues. The images of actual employees will explain liquid restrictions and remind passengers to have their boarding passes ready.

Staff member Julie Capper alongside her hologram.

THE SUN.

(19/01/2011).

I started with the royal wedding and so I'll finish with it with ........

ROYAL CONDOMS. Yes, you read right ... to, err, commemorate the wedding of the year Crown Jewels Condoms of Distinction have produced a souvenir condom which .....

Slammed as tasteless by royal commemtators, urges uses to 'Lie back and think of England'.

PLEASE NOTE - I Will always endeavour to bring you the links to articles I have used in my Media Monday posts but this is not always possible.

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FOR PETE'S SAKE ......

Inspired by this MOVIE SOUNDTRACK POST on Kelly's Thoughts And Ramblings blog I thought I'd share one of my favourite clips from the film O Brother Where Art Thou?

"THEY LOVED HIM UP AND TURNED HIM INTO A HORNY TOAD!"

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I KNEW IT.

An old fashioned gal at heart though I love it that I'm technologically advanced enough to blog, I still prefer snail mail to e-mail. OK so it may be considerably slower and, yes, things have been known to get lost BUT at least I've never had anyone hack into my letters and send all kinds of advertisements to everyone in my address book.

Anyway, at last I have proof that THE PEN IS MIGHTIER THAN THE KEYBOARD. Despite a worrying trend for school children to use computers and interactive boards instead of the traditional pen and paper (I'm not so old fashioned as to advocate the use of the slate board or quills) research shows that children and students who write by hand learn better than those who type as the process seems to imprint knowledge in the brain in a better way than using a keyboard and computer screen with the brain receiving more feedback from the muscles and fingertips strengthening the learning mechanism.

AND

Sticking with old fashioned methods .........

Research has also shown that OLD SCHOOL TEACHING METHODS like reciting times tables are better than new methods as the simple recall seems to cement the knowledge in the memory and is therefore more effective than techniques such as mind mapping in which the child is encouraged to draw images in their heads to represent the relationships between words, ideas and tasks.

So what are your thoughts on this? eE-MAIL >>>>>SNAIL MAIL >>>>>Old >>>>>NEW>>>>>A MIXTURE OF BOTH?

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VACANCIES FOR .......

Naked boatsmen - tourism chiefs want to bring back the ancient custom of having boats pulled across the Shennongxi Stream Gorge by naked boatsmen. The boatmen of Hubei province, China, covered up back in 2000. "Visitor numbers have fallen sharply since they put their pants on" said travel agent Liu Zhong.

Road angels - In a bid to reduce traffic accidents, police in Fribourg, Switzerland, have hired an actor dressed as an angel to stand by the roadside. Whenever the 'road angel' spots a speeding motorist, he waves and flaps his wings at them.
Alert priest - Church of Sweden administrator Monica Eckerdal Kjellstrom has threatened to sack priests who fall asleep while manning an all-night phone helpline. A 44-year-old man complained that a priest dozed off twice as he told him his problems during a 10-minute call.

Un-enlarged police - Applicants for jobs in the police in the eastern province of Papua, Indonesia, have been told they will be turned down if they've had penis enlargement treatment. The Jakarta Globe newspaper reported that Papuan men use a local technique, which involves wrapping their penises in leaves from the gatal-gatal itchy tree so that they swell up as if they've been stung.

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MRS HARTLEY AND THE GROWTH CENTRE.

BOOK 6 in my 100+ Reading Challenge.

MRS HARTLEY AND THE GROWTH CENTRE by PHILIPPA GREGORY.

Statuesque Alice Hartley of the Kohl-eyes and gypsy shawls can no longer arouse the interest of her pompous husband, the adulterous professor. Despite her spirited rendering Dance Of The Seven Veils, her heightened consciousness, her organic carrot cake and her many-coloured pop-socks she still leaves him cold.

Just as she is compelled to face this chilling truth, she meets Michael, a young gullible student with an excessive libido. In Michael, Alice discovers an endless supply of all she has sought: revenge, sex and a large house suitable for conversion.

Soon the house is thigh-deep with women joyfully casting off the shackles of their middle-class oppression through aerobo-gardening, psyche-soothing massage and appropriate amounts of alcohol and magic mushrooms. Sadly, some narrow-minded neighbours and the numerous forces of the law seem completely impervious to all those healing and liberating vibrations.

But the dolphins had a great time.

..... From the outer back cover.

FIRST SENTENCE: Professor Charles Hartley leaned back in his chair and watched his wife progress through the languid motions of the Dance Of The Seven Veils.

MEMORABLE MOMENT: "And set an extra place for supper. They always stay for tea, you'd think vicarages came without a kettle."

Now out of print, we had searched for a second hand copy of this for ages only for Husband dearest to get hold of not one but two copies (it's a long story) for me at Christmas.

A huge fan of Philippa Gregory's historical novels, I was keen to read more of her modern fiction. Would I be disappointed?

Well, Mrs Hartley started well and ended well but I didn't enjoy the middle - it was almost like this was a short story stretched out to become a slightly longer story (233 pages) OR that the author had both the beginning and ending of a story in mind and, not sure where to go with it, made the middle up as she came to it/as an afterthought(?)

Funny to the point of being farcical in places, I think the novel captured the essence of the 1960's (though I'm not sure exactly when it is set) and wildly exaggerated it to the point where, at times, it was totally implausible.

Lacking in any real depth, I didn't particularly like any of the characters and positively disliked main character, Alice Hartley. The problem being, apart from her killing a cat, if Alice was a male character behaving in such a way towards a young girl I would find him deplorable but being a woman with a much younger man the novel suggests liberation and a certain sense of 'good on this middle-aged woman for finding herself'. Perhaps this will work for some readers but I found some of her behaviour (not all of it I hasten to add) to be pretty awful no matter what the sex of the individual.

"Was it her first book?" asked Hd. No, there were several books before this one, all historical, so I suppose this may well have been a bit of an experiment. Given that, perhaps I'm being too harsh and was expecting too much but overall I was quite disappointed with this offering. If I had not been such a fan of Gregory's historical fiction then maybes I would have felt differently ..... but I don't think so as I am used to this author writing wonderfully strong, interesting female characters and these women fell way short of this.

Would I recommend it? As always, it's your decision but, if I can put it this way, I won't be passing this on to anyone despite there being several people who normally eagerly await my copy of any Philippa Gregory novels.

A gift, Mrs Hartley And The Growth Centre was purchased from stillwaterbooks@hotmail.co.uk

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LOVING THE REVIEWS CHALLENGE/GIVEAWAY.

Another challenge made with me in mind AND I could get to win a book as well.

BRANDI over at Blkosiner's Book Blog is co-hosting a February book challenge along with SNIFFLY KITTY.

A really simple idea, all you have to do is SIGN UP and post your book reviews during the month of February - yes, it really is that easy.

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THIS LITTLE PIGGY WENT TO MARKET, THIS LITTLE PIGGY STAYED AT HOME, THIS LITTLE PIGGY ATE ......

THE GUARDIAN.

Talk about a Freudian Slip (A verbal mistake that is thought to reveal a repressed belief, thought, or emotion according to Answers.com) ......

THE PIGS THAT LOVE TO EAT. Live subtitles  are made by a stenographer typing words phonetically as they listen to a show, or with speech recognition, where someone talks into a microphone while listening to the broadcast, and a computer recognises their words.

It is the latter version that leads to the use of words that sound similar to the intended one, but give a very different meaning.

Last week, during an item on BBC Breakfast about breeding pigs, a roving reporter explained that pigs 'love to nibble anything that comes into the shed, like our wellies.'

Unfortunately, the computer heard pigs 'love to nibble anything that comes into the shed, like our willies.' - Charlie Swinbourne, 17/01/2011

Sticking with animal stories......

THE METRO.

Altogether ....... awwwww.

RILEY CELEBRATES. He's the dog that loves to smile and what better excuse than his second birthday.

Riley on his first birthday.

(Click on above link to see this years celebrations.)

BBC NEWS.

 Thanks to Husband dearest for this article.

LIVE CHICKEN THROWN AT KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN (KFC) STAFF. A live hen was thrown through the open window of a KFC restaurant in Warwickshire.

RSPCA inspectors say they want to speak to the two men who approached the restaurant in Bermuda Park, Nuneaton, on a moped on Tuesday evening. -20/01/2011.

Just like the crocodile in Peter Pan, tick-tock, tick-tock ......

CROCODILE SICK AFTER EATING MOBILE PHONE. A visitor dropped her phone while trying to photograph one of the aquarium's crocodiles.

Visitor Rimma Golovko said she had stretched out her arm trying to snap a photograph of Gena opening his mouth, but the phone slipped.

"This should have been a very dramatic shot, but things didn't work out," she said. - 21/01/2011.

THE SUN.

Most schoolboys I know can't wait to be old enough to leave school and I know it's not uncommon for some to lie about their ages, to add a couple of years on in order to purchase that packet of cigarettes/bottle of cider but to take 10 years off in order to enrol! Is there something sinister about their motives, do they enjoy dressing in the uniform OR do they just believe school days are the best days of our lives and want some more?

SCHOOLBOY KICKED OUT FOR BEING .... 24.  A boy who enrolled at a new school was chucked out because the head believes he is really a man of 24.

Burly Prince Summerfield (pictured left looking like a Year Seven pupil in his way-too-big blazer) joined a Year Nine class as a 14-year-old at the start of a new term last week. But just 48 hours later he was sent home after teachers had suspicions he was a man a decade older than he said he was. - Tom Wells and Isabel Jensen, 20/01/2011.

THE TELEGRAPH.

Aah, this explains a lot.

WHY THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND YOU. If you feel your spouse does not understand you, it may be because you are too close to them, research shows.

Psychologists believe that when two people know each other too well they assume too much shared knowledge and their language becomes dangerously ambiguous.

This "closeness communication bias" can lead to long term misunderstandings, rows and even relationship problems. - Richard Alleyne, 22/01/2011.

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LULLABIES FOR LITTLE CRIMINALS.

LULLABIES FOR LITTLE CRIMINALS by HEATHER O'NEILL.

12-year-old Baby is used to turmoil in her life. Her mother is long dead, her father is a junkie and they shuttle between rotting apartments and decrepit downtown hotels.

As her father's addiction and paranoia grow worse, she begins a journey that will lead her in and out of several foster homes, a detention centre and eventually onto the streets as a prostitute.

Throughout the chaos and hardship of her life, Baby's remarkable strength of spirit enables her to survive. Smart, funny and determined to lift herself off the city's dirty streets, she knows that the only person she can rely upon is herself.
...... From the outer back cover.

FIRST SENTENCE: Right before my twelfth birthday, my dad, Jules, and I moved into a two-room apartment in a building that we called the Ostrich Hotel.

MEMORABLE MOMENT: I felt extinguished, as though I was a fairy and a child had stopped believing in me.


I have written and rewritten this review several times now and still I can't put into words exactly what I thought of Lullabies For Little Criminals. Not a book I would have chosen to read, this was a reading group read that I found very difficult. Why?

I think it was largely to do with the subject matter of drug and child abuse, never easy reading, and my reactions to stories involving such issues.

Take for instance main character, Baby. Such a sad, lost little soul who in many ways was so much younger than her actual years and yet in other ways was old before her time. Most of the time I felt a deep pity for her and just wanted to protect her, to make things right but then at other times I could cheerfully have shook her and asked her just what she thought she was doing.

Then there was her father, Jules. I like to consider myself a fairly non-judgemental person but I'm afraid I found the exact opposite to be true as far as this character went. Perhaps if we had more of an insight as to why he was the person he was this may have helped but as it was we only got the briefest glimpse into his earlier life, the slightest clue as to why he may have become an addict in the first place.

As for Alphonse, another man who played a large part in Baby's life. I felt nothing but contempt and hatred for him - to a degree that quite shocked me as it isn't often that I have such an intense reaction to a fictional character.

All of which makes you think the characters were wonderfully written, right? Not in the least, I found them all to be rather one dimensional, stereotypical and poorly written. Most of them, for want of a better word, total oddballs which perhaps would have been ok if there were an equal number of regular characters as well.

As for the plot. From what I know of drug and child abuse (with both Husband dearest and I working with children/teenagers we have some insight) this, for the main part, was all too realistic and I should imagine well researched apart from the placing of Baby with a neighbour who was practically unknown to Baby, her family or social services and who had a partner who was a sex offender himself.

Would I recommend this book? If you are prepared for a gritty read about drug abuse and the sexual abuse of a young girl then you may well learn something from Lullabies For Little Criminals. If not, perhaps this isn't a book for you.

The 5th book read for the 100+ Reading Challenge.

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LOL, I'M ROFL.

I went to doctors other day and said 'Do you treat Alcoholics?'

'Of course we do.' he replied

.'Brilliant,' I said, 'Do you fancy taking me for a drink then, I'm skint.'

I was walking down the street when someone threw a block of cheddar cheese at my head.

Hmm, I thought, that's not very mature.

A man puts a coin in a vending machine and gets a coca-cola. He puts a second coin in and gets a second coca-cola. He puts a third coin in .... and so on. A woman waiting behind him says 'You certainly like Coca-cola.' 'Why stop playing when I'm winning' replies the man.

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FOREVER OURS.

FOREVER OURS: A CORONER'S TALE OF LIFE, DEATH AND IMMORTALITY * by JANIS AMATUZIO.

Janis Amatuzio, MD,  coroner, has overseen thousands of autopsies. In the course of her work, she has heard many extraordinary stories, from patients and grieving family members, of what happens during and after death. These stories have confirmed Dr Amatuzio's belief that, contrary to the attitudes of many in the medical community, there is more to death than just the cessation of breath. From the experiences of one of her first patients - who on the day of his death told of being 'visited' by a friend who had been dead forty years - to amazing coincidences - such as two daughters thousands of miles apart experiencing unexplained sensations at the precise moment their father passed away - this compassionate scientist presents these incredible and heartfelt accounts with their messages of hope, comfort, and profound lessons on dying - and living.

....... From the outer back cover.

FIRST SENTENCE: My mother, my great encourager and supporter, listened patiently as I  read her the last chapter of this book, and she did what every daughter prays for at such a moment.

MEMORABLE MOMENT: I know that love is really all that counts, and that it is of no consequence to store up or value material things. It is who we are that matters.

I admit that I'm very sceptical as to what happens when we die, having no belief in a God as such, one part of me believes that this it, there is no dress rehearsal and yet another bit of me would dearly love to believe that there is some greater plan for us all out there, that we will one day be reunited with those who have gone before us, with those whom we love the most. I guess truth be told that line in Shakespeare's Hamlet 'There are more things in heaven and earth' just about sums things up for me.

A fairly small book to begin with (only 201 pages), Forever Ours was interspersed with quotes, poems (one of which, ASCENSION, I quoted a few days ago) and stories (some of which I found easier to 'accept' than others) from all kinds of people though it has to be said, on the whole, it has a very strong Christian bias.

A beautiful book, Janis Amatuzio is obviously a very compassionate woman (if only all doctors were), I'm sure it will prove a great comfort to many people and especially those who believe in life after death. As for those who don't .... to be honest, I'm not too sure that they will find any deep meaning in any of these stories and I'm even less convinced that they will be persuaded that there is such a thing - despite the front covering using the words 'objective scientific exploration', I found no evidence of this - though I think that many will come away warmed by the sense of love that prevails throughout.

Would I recommend this book? Yes, I thought it very touching, thought-provoking and, unlike some of its genre, to be non-preachy (if I can use such a term) with Amatuzio presenting the 'evidence' as it were and leaving it up to the individual to take away from it what they will.

Ex-library stock, this was the 4th book read in my 100+ challenge.

* Published under the title of 'Forever Ours: Real Stories of Immortality and Living from a Forensic Pathologist' in the USA.


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SHOES.

Husband dearest tells me that he loves me from the top of my head to the tips of my toes my ankles, my feet he openly tells me being revolting. And before you start to berate him, to think him awful, let me tell you he's right in that my feet are pretty awful though as my chiropodist informs me 'not the worst she's ever seen'. Hmm, I'm not too sure that's of any comfort given the number of feet she has seen over the years. Mind you, I suppose none of my toes have dropped off when I have removed my shoes nor have any maggots (no, not even one) dropped out which is something.

A funny subject you might think but then it is weird the things that inspire us to post AND feet, well shoes actually, seem to have featured quite a lot in the last twenty four hours or so.

A trip to the orthotist (shoe man as I call him) being the first. Ever since my accident almost 24 years ago footwear has become overly problematic and even more so since my last operation just over three years ago. I won't bore you with all the details but the upshot is it was decided that I needed to have my shoes specially made to cope with the four centimetre leg difference (which was causing all kinds of difficulties and quite a lot of pain in my back and my 'good' leg), my having a fused ankle joint and the nerve damage. My thanks to the team at Newcastle's Freeman hospital for enabling this to happen and for making sure the shoes were as discreet and as 'unmedical' as they could be. Now I just have to get used to them, easier said than done as I'm having to learn to walk correctly all over again.

Anyway, the second shoe related inspiration came, funnily enough, in the waiting area of said hospital.

Unusual to find a magazine that isn't years and years out of date in a hospital waiting room, it is even more uncommon to find one these days with all the infection control measures, so I suspect this one had been left by a patient that day - weird that I was waiting for my shoes and open at that very page was this picture ........

Chewing gum heel shoes by KOBI LEVI.

And the third thing to inspire this post?

This BOOK REVIEW found on Misha's blog.

Go on admit it, how many of you have found yourself walking in bare feet, your shoes in your hand? I know in the past I have.

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PS. Talking about hospitals and blogging buddies Hd and I were watching one of our favourite tv programmes, medical drama (as if we don't have enough of these in our life) Holby City which featured a blogger who, needing a heart operation, was refusing general anaesthetic so that he could stay awake to post about his experience. I'd just like to let you all know now that, much as I love you all, I consider this way beyond the call of duty. What about you, to what lengths would you go to post something?

WEDLOCK.

WEDLOCK. HOW GEORGIAN BRITAIN'S WORST HUSBAND MET HIS MATCH by WENDY MOORE.

Precocious and indulged, Mary Eleanor Bowes was the richest heiress in eighteenth-century Britain. Scandalous rumours were quick to spread when she fell under the spell of a handsome Irish soldier, Andrew Robinson Stoney. When Mary heard that her gallant hero was mortally wounded in a duel fought to defend her honour, she felt she could hardly refuse his dying wish to marry her.

Yet within hours of the ceremony, Stoney, seemed to be in the grip of a miraculous recovery ...... and Mary found herself trapped in an appallingly brutal marriage. She was terrorised by violence, humiliation, deception and kidnap, but the life of Mary Eleanor Bowes is a remarkable tale of triumph in the face of overwhelming betrayal.
...... From the outer back cover.

FIRST SENTENCE: Settling down to read his newspaper by the candlelight illuminating the dining room of the Adelphi Tavern, John Hull anticipated a quiet evening.

MEMORABLE MOMENT: The eventual bill, for four-poster beds, flock wallpaper, Wilton carpets, mahogany furniture, vast quantities of fabric for curtains and assorted materials for bedding - including feathers weighing thirty-nine stones - would amount to more than £1,000.

Not an easy book to review but then I always find biographies and memoirs difficult as you cannot comment on the plot which after all is/was someones life or the characters who are/were real people who actually existed(ed) which only really leaves the style and content.

Mainly the story domestic abuse and one woman's struggle to escape her tyrannical husband, Wedlock is at times a harrowing read, the details of Mary's abuse at the hands of her tyrannical husband very graphic and always disturbing. But somehow less-so than the attitude shown by much of society which at this time saw women as very much second class citizens.

Obviously very well researched, fascinating, insightful, tedious, confusing and shocking are just some of the words I would use to describe Wedlock.

The author's powers of description really brought this biography to life. Reading her describing Georgian Newcastle ......

'.... horrible, like the ways of thrift it is narrow, dark and dirty.'  'I really thought when we enter'd the Town that we was going into the deepest & darkest pit ever heard off, as it was hardly possible to breathe for want of air & the horrid stink of the Tan Yards'

I felt quite claustrophobic and sickly.

The relationships between the middle/upper class Georgians whilst fascinating to read about also came as quite a shock as did the author's writing about the very misogynistic laws at the time which stated that a woman was basically the property of her father until her marriage when she became the property of her husband with few legal rights to protect her.

Not as long a read as I had expected (almost the last 100 pages were given up to acknowledgements, the bibliography and reading group notes) Wedlock was nevertheless a substantial read of 414 pages which I personally thought could have been shorter (less tedious and better flowing) if the author had not kept going off on a tangent detailing events that seemed to have little relevance to the rest of the book. 

Also a negative of sorts - though obviously the fashion in England at that time, several of the 'characters' had the same name which was very confusing and especially so when the author seemed to alternate between using their given names and the titles bestowed upon them.

Would I recommend this book? Yes, if you have an interest in Georgian England in general, the Bowes family in particular or wish to know more about the lives of women at this period in time otherwise you may find Wedlock a bit hard going and certainly not 'as gripping as any novel' as stated on the front cover.

A reading group read, Wedlock is the third book read for the 100+ Reading Challenge.


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BUSY READING .......

It isn't often that I feel compelled to write about a book that I'm still reading but I make an exception for this .......

FOREVER OURS, A CORONER'S TALE OF LIFE, DEATH AND IMMORTALITY

 by JANIS AMATUZIO.

Deeply touching and compassionate, I loved this poem called Ascension by COLLEEN CORA HITCHCOCK which seems the perfect ending to such a moving book.

And if I go

while you're still here..

Know that I live on

Vibrating to a different measure

Behind a veil you cannot see through.

You will not see me,

so you must have faith.

I wait for the time when we can

soar together again

both aware of each other.

Until then, live life to its fullest!

When you need me, just whisper

my name in your heart. . .

I will be there.

AND NOW FOR SOME WHEELY GOOD ARTICLES.

THE TELEGRAPH.

It was awful, he couldn't eat, he couldn't sleep but hurrah!!!! now Husband dearest can relax, safe in the knowledge that ........

PALACE KILLJOYS HAVE THROWN IN THE TOWEL AND  OVERTURNED THE ROYAL WEDDING TEACLOTH BAN. Deemed as too 'disposable' and therefore unsuitable it seems that Royal Wedding teacloths will now be available in the gift shops of the Royal palaces at the princely sum of eight pounds. - Harry Wallop (11/01/2011)

"Hello, my name is ...... and I hog the duvet."

COUPLE DREAM UP DEVICE TO END DUVET WARS. Trying to find the perfect temperature for a good night's kip is an age-old problem that makes sleep-deprived couples wake up frazzled day after day. A spokesman for E.ON said 'We would always urge customers who think their bills may be too low to contact us rather than to have a surprise such as this.' - (15/01/2011)

However, duvet wars could be a thing of the past with the invention of a bed cover that allows people to adjust the amount of layering on either side of the bed. (yes, but an extra layer is not the answer when X is only freezing because Y has all the covers.) - Laura Roberts (15/01/2011)

Wow, this must have come as a shock ......

Shopkeeper, Mark Allen, 48, received an electricity bill for £18,446 from energy giant, E.ON after the wrong digits were read on an electricity meter ..... for four years.

He telephoned electricity bosses saying they must have got it wrong but was told he owed the money after a bungle by a meter reader (who had) noted down just five digits on his six digit meter by accident.

THE GUARDIAN.

Talk about seeing in the new year with a bang. 

SHOT MAN SNEEZED BULLET OUT OF NOSE. Hit in the temple by a stray bullet Italian Darco Sangermano, 28, was rushed to hospital in the first few minutes of the new year. But while waiting to be seen by a doctor, the patient astonished doctors by sneezing and propelling the bullet out through his right nostril. - Alexandra Topping (12/01/2011)

THE SUN.

I was so happy with Madge (my electric wheelchair for those of you yet to be introduced) until I saw this.....

The only trouble being ....

JIM STARR'S SOUPED UP WHEELCHAIR NEEDS A TANK LICENCE. Jim, 36, was hoping to use the monster machine which boasts caterpillar treads in place of wheels to play with his two kids.

The tank chair can take him through snow, sand and surf at up to 8mph but the DVLA (Driver and Vehicle Licencing Authority) ruled it cannot be classed as an invalid buggy because it is 8 inches too wide and 15 stone too heavy. - John Coles (15/01/2011).

See Jim in action.

PLEASE NOTE - I Will always endeavour to bring you the links to articles I have used in my Media Monday posts but this is not always possible.

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(SURELY NOT ....) ONLY IN BRITAIN.

Unbelievable I know but below are a collection of extracts taken from letters received by various council departments.

• It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.
• Their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls* against my fence.
• I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.
• My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
• Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
• I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen
• Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.
• Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it..
• I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
• This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.
• I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob** off.

(Commonly used slang for * the testicles and ** the penis.)

And talking about writing the silliest of things Christina Lee posts about this fun sounding new meme, WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND? Hosted by blogger Laurie, the idea being you collect the best and funniest FaceBook status updates and Twitter Tweets and post them on your blog. Simply click on the link for more details and to see Christina's choices.

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THE SECRET SCRIPTURE.

THE SECRET SCRIPTURE by SEBASTIAN BARRY.

The mental hospital where psychiatrist Dr Grene works is about to be shut down, and he sets about investigating the history of his patient Roseanne. She was committed there as a young woman and now - her records long lost - is nearing her hundredth birthday. At the same time, Roseanne is looking back on the tragedies and passions of her life through a secret journal: her turbulent childhood in rural 1930s Ireland, and the subsequent marriage which she believed would finally bring her happiness. When Dr Grene finally uncovers the circumstances of her arrival at the hospital, it leads to a secret that will shock them both.

...... From the outer back cover.

FIRST SENTENCE: The world begins anew with every birth, my father used to say.

MEMORABLE MOMENT: They are the old ones, they are the club that no one wants to join. But we are never old to ourselves. That is because at close of day the ship we sail in is the soul, not the body.

What can I say? Beautifully written BUT a lot of the time this felt a bit like sitting on an elderly relatives knee, wishing that they would get on with the telling of the story so that you could go and play. And as for the ending? Cliched, predictable and highly unlikely, it may have come as a shock to both Roseanne and Dr Grene but for me it came as no big surprise.

All about morality, religious differences, intolerance and memories (both real and possibly perceived) The Secret Scripture (Costa Book Award winner 2008 and Man Booker Prize shortlisted) is quite interesting in places, the story giving a wonderful, if scary, insight as to life in 1930's rural Ireland with the power of the Catholic Priest being nothing short of terrifying.

Set in a psychiatric hospital constructed in the 18th century 'as a charitable institution for the healthful asylum and superior correction seats of  wounded seats of thought', Roscommon is now a dilapidated building,many of  it's inmates patients about to be moved to other, smaller facilities or back into the community, I personally think this would have made a much more interesting book if the author had explored both Roseanne's early experiences in the hospital as well as the issues surrounding the closure of the hospital, the only home Roseanne has known for the last 75 or so years.

But what of the characters?

Hmm,  at times realistic and quite believable, I think they were let down by a plot that was not all it could have been and an ending that quite frankly seemed, to me at least, the easy option, the lazy way out.

Roseanne I liked. Dealt a hard hand by life, her story was realistic and sadly we know there were people just like her admitted to such institutions at that time. However, some of her actions as an elderly woman, supposedly riddled with arthritis, lent inaccuracies to the story and, to a certain degree, made her less believable.

Dr Grene I did not think believable. Unprofessional, I just could not believe some of his actions, and, yet at the same time, there was just something about him (perhaps his recognisable grief or his all too flawed character) that made him likable unlike the previously mentioned Father Gaunt, a stereotypical 1930's Irish priest, who, though evil is too strong a word, is a man of no compassion or humanity whatsoever.

A reading group read, The Secret Scripture was the second book read in my 100+ reading challenge.

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WEDDED BLISS?

Most of you will by now know that I love a good 'test' which tells me something about myself - and I know I'm not alone in this.

Designed for those about to be married/live together, a firm of solicitors is urging couples to take a compatibility test before taking the plunge as it were.

About to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary this September I guess we must be doing something right but thought this might be a fun thing to do anyway

Finance

Do you know the extent of each other's assets?

How do you both view the sharing of these assets?

Do you have the same attitude to saving?

Will one of you want to put into a pension what the other wants to put into a new car?

Will you pool your resources or do you want to keep everything separate?

Joint accounts or separate?

Will you contribute in proportion to your incomes, or equally?

Are you going to have to pay off your partner's debts perhaps from what you thought was going to be the deposit on your house?

Family Ties

What sort of relationship do you have with your extended family?

Are they good at staying in touch?

Are they local? Affectionate? Over-involved?

Have you had any major fallings out?

Children

Do you want children? How many?

 How do you want to raise your children?

What sort of values do you want to pass on?

Do you have opposing views about the benefits of state versus private education -- and should you be thinking now about buying in a catchment area for a good state school?

Religion.

What are your religious views -- do you agree on what religion you will bring up the children in? Church/mosque/synagogue? Once a week or once a year? Or no religion at all.

Leisure and fun

 Do you like doing the same things in your spare time?

Do you share common interests?

Is your idea of a holiday lying flat on the beach for two weeks and your partner's rock-climbing?

Lifestyle

What sort of lifestyle are you aiming for?

Where do you want to live?

Do either of you have a dream of downsizing at some point and living away from the city?

Spending

Do you have an expensive shoe or gadget habit?

 Does one of you think of a particular purchase as an essential that the other regards as a "discretionary spend"?

Do you have any other secret addictions: handbags, chocolate, football?

Do you gamble, online or otherwise?

Work

 Are your respective career paths compatible, is either of you going to have to make compromises? Are you prepared to?

Will you want to give up work when you have children?

What does your partner think about this and can you manage financially?

What about part-time working?

Roles - traditional or modern?

Will you expect to live along traditional lines: woman as homemaker and man as breadwinner?

Who will organise the finances?

Will household responsibilities be shared equally?

Who will assume responsibility for paying bills?

Honesty

 Are there any old flames for whom you still hold a candle?

I can understand the importance of  discussing these things BUT to me just as important, if not more so, is the ability to compromise and communicate.

So many of the above were discussed by Husband dearest and myself pre-marriage but life circumstances (my having a major accident, Hd being made redundant three times within a year) meant we quickly had to re-evaluate some of the things we had previously agreed to.

Anyway, enough of me and onto another test........ This one a psychology test that claims to have the key to wedded bliss no less.

What does it take  to build a successful marriage? Theories are manifold but one way of gauging how well you are doing is through a quiz gaining huge attention online.

The Sustainable Marriage was developed by Gary W Lewadnowski Jr, a psychology professor.

To the following questions, the respondents mark a point along a scale ranging from not very much (1 point) to very much (7 points). And in classic teen mag fashion, you then add up the score.

How much does being with your partner result in your having new experiences? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7



When you are with your partner, do you feel a greater awareness of things because of him or her? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7


How much does your partner increase your ability to accomplish new things? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7


How much does your partner help to expand your sense of the kind of person you are? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7


How much do you see your partner as a way to expand your own capabilities? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7


How much do your partner’s strengths as a person (skills, abilities, etc.) compensate for some of your own weaknesses as a person? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7


How much do you feel that you have a larger perspective on things because of your partner? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7


How much has being with your partner resulted in your learning new things? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7


How much has knowing your partner made you a better person? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7


How much does your partner increase your knowledge? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7


Scores


60 and above — Highly Expansive. You are gaining a lot of new experiences and reaching new goals as a result of your relationship. Chances are you have a happier, more sustainable relationship as a result.


45 to 60 — Moderately Exciting. Your relationship has led to moderate improvements in your life and some new experiences. But there’s definitely room for improvement.


Below 45 — Low Connection. Your relationship is not creating opportunities that help expand your knowledge and make you feel better about yourself. Make an effort to share new experiences with your partner to improve your relationship.

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