13 Jan 2011

WEDDED BLISS?

Most of you will by now know that I love a good 'test' which tells me something about myself - and I know I'm not alone in this.

Designed for those about to be married/live together, a firm of solicitors is urging couples to take a compatibility test before taking the plunge as it were.

About to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary this September I guess we must be doing something right but thought this might be a fun thing to do anyway

Finance
Do you know the extent of each other's assets?
How do you both view the sharing of these assets?
Do you have the same attitude to saving?
Will one of you want to put into a pension what the other wants to put into a new car?
Will you pool your resources or do you want to keep everything separate?
Joint accounts or separate?
Will you contribute in proportion to your incomes, or equally?
Are you going to have to pay off your partner's debts perhaps from what you thought was going to be the deposit on your house?

Family Ties
What sort of relationship do you have with your extended family?
Are they good at staying in touch?
Are they local? Affectionate? Over-involved?
Have you had any major fallings out?

Children
Do you want children? How many?
 How do you want to raise your children?
What sort of values do you want to pass on?
Do you have opposing views about the benefits of state versus private education -- and should you be thinking now about buying in a catchment area for a good state school?

Religion.
What are your religious views -- do you agree on what religion you will bring up the children in? Church/mosque/synagogue? Once a week or once a year? Or no religion at all.

Leisure and fun
 Do you like doing the same things in your spare time?
Do you share common interests?
Is your idea of a holiday lying flat on the beach for two weeks and your partner's rock-climbing?

Lifestyle
What sort of lifestyle are you aiming for?
Where do you want to live?
Do either of you have a dream of downsizing at some point and living away from the city?

Spending
Do you have an expensive shoe or gadget habit?
 Does one of you think of a particular purchase as an essential that the other regards as a "discretionary spend"?
Do you have any other secret addictions: handbags, chocolate, football?
Do you gamble, online or otherwise?

Work
 Are your respective career paths compatible, is either of you going to have to make compromises? Are you prepared to?
Will you want to give up work when you have children?
What does your partner think about this and can you manage financially?
What about part-time working?

Roles - traditional or modern?
Will you expect to live along traditional lines: woman as homemaker and man as breadwinner?
Who will organise the finances?
Will household responsibilities be shared equally?
Who will assume responsibility for paying bills?

Honesty
 Are there any old flames for whom you still hold a candle?

I can understand the importance of  discussing these things BUT to me just as important, if not more so, is the ability to compromise and communicate.

So many of the above were discussed by Husband dearest and myself pre-marriage but life circumstances (my having a major accident, Hd being made redundant three times within a year) meant we quickly had to re-evaluate some of the things we had previously agreed to.

Anyway, enough of me and onto another test........ This one a psychology test that claims to have the key to wedded bliss no less.

What does it take  to build a successful marriage? Theories are manifold but one way of gauging how well you are doing is through a quiz gaining huge attention online.
The Sustainable Marriage was developed by Gary W Lewadnowski Jr, a psychology professor.
To the following questions, the respondents mark a point along a scale ranging from not very much (1 point) to very much (7 points). And in classic teen mag fashion, you then add up the score.

How much does being with your partner result in your having new experiences? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7



When you are with your partner, do you feel a greater awareness of things because of him or her? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7


How much does your partner increase your ability to accomplish new things? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7


How much does your partner help to expand your sense of the kind of person you are? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7


How much do you see your partner as a way to expand your own capabilities? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7


How much do your partner’s strengths as a person (skills, abilities, etc.) compensate for some of your own weaknesses as a person? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7


How much do you feel that you have a larger perspective on things because of your partner? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7


How much has being with your partner resulted in your learning new things? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7


How much has knowing your partner made you a better person? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7


How much does your partner increase your knowledge? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7


Scores


60 and above — Highly Expansive. You are gaining a lot of new experiences and reaching new goals as a result of your relationship. Chances are you have a happier, more sustainable relationship as a result.


45 to 60 — Moderately Exciting. Your relationship has led to moderate improvements in your life and some new experiences. But there’s definitely room for improvement.


Below 45 — Low Connection. Your relationship is not creating opportunities that help expand your knowledge and make you feel better about yourself. Make an effort to share new experiences with your partner to improve your relationship.


18 comments:

chitra said...

I and my husband do enjoy a very good relationship with lot of understanding and supporting each other.
I loved the cartoon.

Nina said...

This is so much fun! I like this one: Do you have an expensive shoe or gadget habit? lol. So what! ;)

Su said...

That's a very good list of discussion points for any marriage to have from time to time, but definitely for the twitterpated engaged couple! Good find!

A said...

25 years ! You could almost write a book - you have the skills and information. Consider writing one.

No clue what clicks in marriages. I am not sure if I can agree with every point..I think most important thing is 'accepting' the spouse if both are sane people

Dizzy C said...

My view is that it is compromise and consideration that is important.
I consider it and he compromises (LOL only joking!)

If we agreed on everything it would be a very boring relationship and not sure two people can be that alike. Being different is what attracted me to my partner.

carol

Misha said...

Hmmm... I can't really comment on this. But it was fun reading everyone's reactions :)

Melissa Gill said...

Are they suggesting that couples shouldn't marry if they aren't in agreement on this stuff? What if they are, and they both say, are reckless with their finances? Oh boy.

The Golden Eagle said...

They picked some interesting questions. :P

Dorte H said...

Wonderful cartoon!

There were oodles my husband and I didn´t know about each other when we married, but we agreed on what was important and believed we could compromise on most other areas. It seems we were right.

Suko said...

I think it was Ben Franklin who said, "Eyes wide open before marriage, half-closed afterward." You are right, Petty, about the need to communicate and compromise (if need be) during marriage.

Congratulations on your almost 25 years of marriage! That is quite an achievement. :)

naida said...

I like these types of tests also.
wow almost 25 years!! thats awesome!

http://thebookworm07.blogspot.com/

Oddyoddyo13 said...

Is it wrong to say (though I am a non-violent person) that the picture you put in is my idea of compromise?

Jenners said...

I think communication and compromise are key ... as is the ability to truly listen to what the other person has to say. It isn't easy ... that is true. I do think the things listed in the quiz could go a long way to uncovering potential issues beforehand and is good practice for doing what you'll need to do anyway.

GMR said...

Oh who doesn't love taking little tests like these? Really. ^_^ Great find.

Kelly said...

Interesting questionaires. I guess my husband and I have done something right since we celebrated our 25th this past year.

You're right, too...no matter what is agreed upon before marriage, couples must be able to adapt to whatever experiences life brings.

purplume said...

I love these tests too. It would have been very interesting if I could have answered them honestly with my first marriage, but I was too busy living in a fantasy. sigh. They make a lot of good points.
Thank you for you comments on my tea ceremony post. The last two times I had tea at this same temple, it was prepared by a beautiful woman in kimono. I think this was a higher honor to have the abbot and I think originally it was done only by men.
I sleep very well on the futons on the floor. I doubt I could persuade my husband to join me however. XD

(Diane) Bibliophile By the Sea said...

That cartoon is too funny!

dr.antony said...

I am afraid to take the test. My wife said " No". See how compatible we are!