FATHER CHRISTMAS BREAKS WITH TRADITION.

 Dear Friends,

I know it has become something of a tradition for me to post my Christmas message on Boxing Day but this year I thought it would make a nice change for me to post something on Christmas Eve before I set off on my journey around the world and given how bad some of the so-called jokes in Christmas crackers are I'm so pleased I did.

Relaxing after the Christmas rush last year, Mother Christmas and I sat down to beans on toast. Well, can you blame us? To be honest if I never see another mince pie, cookie, glass of sherry/milk again I'll be just as happy. And as for the reindeer and all those carrots. Least said but let me tell you cleaning their stalls out after they have eaten their body weight in them is hardly fun. Still, I suppose that's what the elves are for.

Anyway, back to Christmas cracker jokes. Hardly funny are they? Which is why I've selected a few of my own which I hope you like.

  Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on Ebay?

They were too deer.

    Mary and Joseph? Talk about a couple in a stable relationship.

    How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus was 7lb 9oz when he was born?

They had a weigh in a manger.

    Why is it getting harder to buy advent calendars?

There days are numbered.

    How many letters are there in an angel's alphabet?

24. There is 'no EL'. 

    What do you call a group of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby.

Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

    How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer, Olive?

You know 'Olive the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names'.

Happy holidays and remember I know whether you've been naughty or nice,

The Terry's Alternative Christmas Tree.

Copyright: Tracy Terry @ Pen and Paper. All original content on http://pettywitter.blogspot.co.uk/ is created by the website owner, including but not limited to text, design, code, images, photographs and videos are considered to be the Intellectual Property of the website owner, whether copyrighted or not, and are protected by DMCA Protection Services using the Digital Millennium Copyright Act Title 17 Chapter 512 (c)(3). Reproduction or re-publication of this content is prohibited without permission. In addition I would also urge that if you are reading this on any other page you contact the original blog owner/reviewer.

WHEN SANTA GOT STUCK UP ......... A ROPE?

Dear Friends,

I know that most of you think that I only put in an appearance once a year but I'm afraid to say that the recession has hit us hard here at the North Pole and as well as Mother Christmas having to take in washing, the elves are having to sweep chimneys (not a bad thing when you consider there's less soot on my back, my beard is no longer as black and my nose is no longer tickling) and I'm having to moonlight as a store Santa.

Normally a job left to men who once a year don a red suit and false beard, this year you may well have sat on the knee, whispered in the ear of the real Father Christmas - no bad thing given the antics of this poor soul who far from getting stuck up the chimney, hoh, hoh, hoh, managed to get stuck up a rope.

My love to you all whether you have been good or bad, naughty or nice,

A 2011 POST FROM FC.

Dear Friends,

Well I must say it isn't very often that we get such letters here in the North Pole ..... more often than not we receive all manner of correspondance telling us what a good boy/girl such-and-such a child has been. Not so one Petty Witter who sent the following ..........

Oh well, at least I suppose it was honest.

Seasonal greetings to you all,

ELEVEN HOURS.

ELEVEN HOURS by PAULINA SIMONS.

Didi Wood is nine months pregnant, doing some last-minute shopping before the baby is born. Stepping out of an air-conditioned Dallas shopping mall into the cruel heat of the parking lot, she hears a voice behind her .... and the nightmare begins.

Abducted by an increasingly unstable young man, Didi must endure an epic drive across the Texas plains, heading through the relentless heat towards a destination that only he knows.

Meanwhile, her anguished husband Rich is on the trail with an FBI agent who may or not be as good as he says he is at rescuing hostages.

...... Outer back cover.

FIRST SENTENCE: Didi Wood was walking to the mall from her car when her pregnant belly began to tighten until it felt like a taut basketball.

MEMORABLE MOMENT: He is not Winnie-the-Pooh, and I am not Piglet. This is not the Hundred-Acre Wood. I have to stat right here.

KEEP IT OR NOT?: A charity shop buy, this will certainly be going on our shelves.

Only the other day JENNERS made the comment that as for as my choice of reading material went I seemed to be having more misses than hits of late so I'm delighted to let you all know that this was a hit - a big hit.

I know we are not yet a quarter of the way through 2011 so it's early days yet but I have to say that this has been my favourite read .... so far.

Fast paced, gripping and with lots of twists and turns, Eleven Hours had me engrossed with the fate of Didi from page one, so much so that I couldn't put the book down.

That said, this was not always an easy read and at times, I have to admit, I did find it very dark and, at times, very very disturbing but given the subject matter I suppose that was only to be expected.

With only four main characters (Didi,  her kidnapper, Lyle and 'good guys' Didi's husband, Rich, and FBI agent, Scott Somerville) you really got to know the characters and felt their pain (Scott's to a lesser extent).

Didi's desire for a drink had my mouth dry and her growing fear, my heart hammering in my chest. As for Lyle, my favourite character, you felt him growing more and more sinister by the chapter, his actions becoming increasingly desperate, and yet despite his horrendous actions there were times I actually felt a little sorry for him. Rich and Scott we did not get to know so well but I could easily imagine the lack of power Rich must have felt in being unable to do much to aid his wife and as yet un-born child.

As for FBI agent Scott - the one weak link in the story, we never really got to know his story and I don't think he really grew as a character though his growing realisation that this was actually about saving the victim and not about capturing the bad guy was interesting. Not a realistic character to me, I'm pretty sure that no FBI agent would allow a victims relative to take such an active part in the rescuing of their loved one, he was also a bit of an egotist and, it has to be said, at times, came across as a bit of a Rambo, action man type.

A book that I'm sure men will find just as enjoyable, I will be surprised if this is not made into a film at some stage.

The 25th book in my 100+Reading Challenge and the 4th book in my What's In A Name Reading Challenge (Book with a number in the title category).

MERRY CHRISTMAS 2010.

FC enjoying the surf on holiday December 2009.

Dear Friends,

Did you realise that I have only 31 hours to do my job thanks to all the different time zones? And that's only if I travel from east to west. Hardly surprising I'm exhausted and in need of a holiday once it's all over.

But first there's the little matter of the annual staff party. If only it were different from last year when, as per usual, Mrs Christmas had one too many spoonful's of the sherry trifle and kept telling everyone who would listen that Bing Crosby's White Christmas is the best-selling Christmas song of all times. Then, there was the unfortunate incident with one of the elves who, having overdosed on one candy cane too many, decided to photocopy and e-mail pictures of his naked bottom to the Tooth Fairy who refused to come to our gathering after last year when she kept on being accosted under the mistletoe by the Easter Bunny. A shocking state of affairs I must say.

Anyway, Petty Witter, who has been a very good girl this year apart from that awful post in which she mentioned something about having read a book about someone called the HOGFATHER taking over MY role, sends her love to you all and wishes you every blessing. She also wishes to apologise that she didn't get to visit you all but will do so soon.

Be good,

Father Christmas. x

PS You might like to click HERE to read the interview I did for Alok Jhad of the Observer newspaper. It really is very insightful, even if I do say so myself.

SO HERE IT IS ..... MERRY CHRISTMAS.

Dear Friends,

After what has been an extremely busy year and a even busier 24th of December Mrs. Christmas, the Elves and myself are off on a short holiday.

Petty Witter apologies that she didn't get to visit you all, Pooter caught a very nasty virus and was quite ill, however she hopes to catch up with you all very soon.

Thanks for the milk, biscuits and other nice things you all kindly left. The reindeer thank you for the carrots and other nibbles.

Be Good,

Father Christmas. x