2 Nov 2012

0 To 200 IN LESS THAN SIX SECONDS.

Hello All, Husband Dearest here, I'm out of hospital just in time for her ladyship to come down with influenza, so she may not be around for a few days.
She wishes you all well and has asked me to post this little pre-prepared post of humour.

*

Ed was in trouble, he'd forgotten his wedding anniversary and his wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than six seconds AND IT HAD BETTER BE THERE."


The next morning Ed got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out of the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, she put on her robe and ran out into the driveway, and carried the box into the house where upon opening it she found a new bathroom scale

Ed has been missing since Friday.

- Thanks to Alan on FB.

A mom is driving her little girl to a friends house for a play date. "Mommy," she asks, "How old are you?"

The mother looks over at her daughter and replies "Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age, it isn't polite."

"Ok," says the little girl. "So how much do you weigh?"

"Now really," the mother says, "these are personal questions and are really none of your business."

Undaunted, the little girl then asks "Why did you and daddy get a divorce?"

"That is enough questions." The exasperated mother drives away as the two friends begin to play.

"My mom wouldn't tell me anything," the little girl complains to her friend.

"Well," said the friend, "All you need to do is take a sneak at her driving licence. It's like a report card, it has everything on it."

So, later that night the little girl turns to her mother, "I know how old you are. You are 32. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 140 pounds."

By now past surprise and shock the mother asks "How in heaven's name did you find that out?"

Triumphantly carrying on, the little girl replies "And ..... I know why you and daddy got divorced."

"Oh really," says the mother. "Why is that?"

To which the girl replies "Because you got an F in sex."

- Thanks to June on FB.

My mothers at that age when she's obsessed with people dying. Only the other day she asked me if I knew Mr Warren from along the street. Yes, I replied. He's dead she said. Know Mrs Wright? Yes, I nodded. She's also dead. It was at this point that I thought I'd better tell mother to get off the roof and put the gun down.


17 comments:

Mary (Bookfan) said...

I hope Tracy feels better very soon. Happy to hear Husband Dearest is out of hospital.

Betty Manousos said...

oh i am so sorry to hear that tracy is not feeling well. hope she gets better really, really soon.
sending hugs to her!

but happy to hear that husband dearest is out of hospital.

such fun installments, btw.
thanks for sharing.

Bonnie said...

Hope you are all doing well. Glad to hear you are out of the hospital.

xoxo, Bonnie

Mama Zen said...

Feel better soon, Tracy!

Kimberly @ On the Wings of Books said...

I hope you feel better soon Tracy! Love the jokes!

Melissa (Books and Things) said...

LOL!

Glad you are better and I hope Tracy feels better soon!

Kelly said...

Good jokes!!

So sorry to hear about the flu, but glad that there's no longer a hospital resident. Hoping both of you are completely recovered soon!

Suko said...

Wishing you both a speedy recovery! Rest up this weekend.

Jenners said...

Good grief you two! I"m glad to hear that HD is out of the hospital but not that WD is feeling poorly. Wishing you both good health!

Mamakucingbooks said...

Get well soon Tracy

kathy

http://www.smallkucing.com
http://mamakucingbooks.blogspot.com

Nikki-ann said...

Always a joy to come and read the jokes you post! :)

fiction-books said...

Hi Tracy,

You may be feeling under the weather, but it is good to see that your sense of humour isn't failing!!

Wishing you both a full and speedy recovery and look forward to sharing some more great reads with you very soon.

Yvonne

Alexia561 said...

Sorry to hear that Tracy is under the weather, but glad that you're home safe and sound! Take care!

Stephanie@Fairday's Blog said...

Glad you are out of the hospital and I hope Tracy feels better soon!

Thanks for the jokes- they did make me chuckle.

anilkurup said...

My good wishes and may you have a speedy journey back to health.
Thanks , enjoyed the pieces.

naida said...

Thank you for the update. Feel better Tracy!

GMR said...

glad to hear you're out of the hospital and send my wishes to Tracy! Get well soon!