28 Apr 2012


An upset tortoise crawls into a police station.
"I've been robbed by a murderous gang of snails, he announces.
"Calm down," says a policeman. "Just tell us everything that happened."
"That's difficult," says the tortoise. "It all happened so fast!"

One day a lion wakes up in a bad mood and summons the other animals in the jungle.
"I want each of you to tell a joke, but I warn you that if anyone of you fails to laugh, I'll kill the one who told it. Let's see, monkey, you will be first."
Shaking with fear the monkey begins, "Two men are in the street and..."
When he finishes, everyone bursts out laughing save the tortoise. "The tortoise didn't laugh!" roars the lion, pouncing on the monkey and ripping him to pieces. Then he orders, "Elephant, you're next."
Cursing through clenched teeth, the elephant begins, "A drunk walks into a bar and..."
When he finishes, all the animals split their sides laughing except the tortoise, who remains impassive. "The tortoise didn't think it was funny!" exclaimed the lion who, seeing that the furious elephant is about to step on the tortoise, kills the elephant with his claws.
By now, everyone wants to murder the tortoise, but nobody dares move. "Now it's your turn, tiger," orders the lion.
The scared tiger begins, "They say that Little Red Riding Hood..."
At that moment, the tortoise falls over laughing. "What's with you?" bellows the lion. "Tiger hasn't finished yet..."
To which the tortoise replies, "The monkey's joke is hilarious!"


Kelly said...

It's always the poor old tortoise, isn't it!

Arti said...

Haha:) Absolutely loved the second one!! A very nice start to my evening.
Have a nice weekend Tracy:)
PS- Tracy please remove the word verification if possible, the double captcha words make it very difficult to comment.

icedgurl said...

trekking your blog!!! nice!


naida said...

Ha! Too funny. Enjoy your weekend :)

Blond Duck said...

That last joke cracked me up!

Suko said...

What fun! I have been forgetting to mention to you that I am enjoying the new look of your blog's header. :)

Chatty Crone said...

Tracy - I believe in friendship. I believe it is a two way street. I like to get comments and have my email posted and I love to comment back meaning I need their address. And I have found so many wonderful wonderful friends and we follow each other back. I think friendships takes some risk.

Glad to see you still here!

Love, chatty

anilkurup said...

I did laugh hearing the tortoise words. But the murderous snails doing things so fast for the tortoise is something ha. Thanks.

Kalyan said...

Nice reading this lovely piece to lighten the nerves.

joan said...

thanks for those such a good laugh, typical tortoise a bit like me i suppose, slow to catch on
have a good if wet weekend

Nikki-ann said...

Very good! :)

Always worth coming here to put a smile on my face!

StarTraci said...

Two great funnies to set my day off right -- thanks!!!
Have a great week.


chitra said...

ha..ha...Good one..

Betty Manousos said...

too funny! thanks for the giggles!

hope you have a great week ahead!


Jenners said...

These are good!! My son will love them.

Colors and Grays said...

As a tortoise should be, very sssllllooowwww. lol. you just made my day!

John McElveen said...


Loved them!