28 Feb 2011

WEE WEARING, SOCK SEARCHING (MALES IN) THOUGHT-CONTROLLED WHEELCHAIRS.

THE TELEGRAPH.

Didn't fancy having to deal with the 'arisings' as a ROYAL GARDENER, how about .......

A royal washer upper? The Queen has advertised for an official washer upper to become part of her royal entourage.
The £14,200-a-year post is based at Buckingham Palace but requires travel to other royal residences.
Candidates must be punctual, reliable and work well in a team. - Anita Singh (21/02/2011)

Hmm, I wonder if you have to supply your own rubber gloves?

Eau De Toilette anyone?

MALE MONKEYS USE THEIR URINE as a kind of 'after shave' to make them more attractive to females according to a new study.
Capuchin monkeys routinely urinate in their hands and rub the liquid around their body. - Louise Gray (25/02/2011)

Looks like the 'elf and safety' brigade have been at it again.

PRIMARY SCHOOL BANS FOOTBALLS. A school in Liverpool has banned footballs from its playground, saying pupils must use sponge balls. (25/02/2011)

And meanwhile, in Oxfordshire .......

SWIMMING GOGGLES ARE BANNED. A local authority has banned the use of swimming aids following concerns that they could 'snap' onto children's faces, injuring them.
Children will only be allowed to wear protective eye wear at council-run pools if they have a medical reason. (26/02/2011)

THE MAIL.
(24/02/2011)

POLICE LAUNCH SECURITY CAMPAIGN. When police launched a high-profile anti-burglary campaign with the motto ‘Close it, Lock it, Check it’ they hoped to stamp out the crime by encouraging householders and business owners to be more vigilant and look after their own premises.

It was a shame then that the force failed to heed its own wise words, leading to red faces all round when just hours later one of its own police stations was burgled.
An intruder apparently sneaked through an open window and got into their offices in Bury St Edmunds, Suffolk.

THE SUN
(26/02/2011)

Sisters are doin' it for themselves.
Standin' on their own two feet.
And ringin' on their own bells.
Sisters are doin' it for themselves.

And it's not only sisters but grannies. Remember me telling you of  THE SUPERGRAN WHO FOILED A JEWELLERY HEIST? Well' it seems as if Ann Timson isn't the only grandmother doin' it for herself.

A pensioner gave a hammer-wielding burglar a tongue-lashing after finding him standing in her lounge.
She ordered drunken Thomas Evans to put his £150 booty back then gave him a brush and dustpan to clear up the glass he smashed breaking in.

Thank goodness Husband dearest (6ft, 3in tall) isn't Mr Average (5ft, 10in tall) as

And when he's found them he'll be off down the pub for around about 10.585 hours, new research shows.
He'll watch 11 years of TV, learn to cook just four meals in his lifetime, sleep with nine partners and say sorry 1.9 million times. - Rhodri Phillips.

THE SUNDAY SUN
(27/02/2011)

I brought you details of the condom designed to commemorate the royal wedding thinking that these were in bad taste but, even worse, how about ..........



Forget tea towels, aprons, and assorted plates etc at last there is a royal wedding souvenir that is as practical as it is collectable - a royal wedding sick bag.
Designed by Lydia Leith, the royal wedding sick bag is similar to those you find on airplanes and comes in two patriotic colours - red and white or blue - with the legend 'throne up' at the top. - Mike Kelly.

AND HUSBAND DEARESTS CHOICES
(BBC NEWS)

A BRAZILIAN WOMAN FINDS AN ALLIGATOR BEHIND SOFA. A woman in Brazil was shocked to find an alligator hiding behind her sofa after heavy rains flooded her house in the town of Parauapebas, in Para state.
She said she was alerted to the reptile's presence by her three-year-old son, who was patting its head.  - (24/02/2011)

I love Madge (my electric wheelchair for those of you who haven't been introduced) and wouldn't swap her for anything. No, not even a .........

THOUGHT CONTROLLED WHEELCHAIR.  Thought-controlled wheelchairs which  can be directed by brain signals detected using a cap fitted to the user are some of the latest innovations in bionics being discussed at a science conference in Washington, USA. (Click on link for full story and amazing video footage.)

PLEASE NOTE - I Will always endeavour to bring you the links to articles I have used in my Media Monday posts but this is not always possible.




20 comments:

Mamakucingbooks said...

LOL...interesting updates

Sridharan said...

Interesting indeed.. The Corc story is spine chilling...!

Misha said...

I love reading these posts of yours, Tracy! They always make me smile :)

Vivienne said...

Can't see the urine aftershave catching on somehow!

naida said...

thats gross about the monkeys! lol

chitra said...

Interesting snippets,scary story of the alligator in the house, the monkey one was funny.
Love reading these stuff. Cannot come here regularly due to hectic schedule.

Dizzy C said...

I like the stats on men.
thanks for that.

I do think that the Royal household should have kept quiet on the tea towels, now the market is flooded with all sorts of tat.

carol

dr.antony said...

Those monkeys are clever.The urine is sterile, and supposed to be clean.May be it has aphrodisiac effects!
We had a Prime Minister who popularized drinking urine !

Su said...

Have I mentioned before that I appreciate you posting these headlines as it makes the US seem marginally less mad? ;) And here I thought we were the only ones.

Although I notice that whoever it is that keeps banning things at schools seems to be determined to raise a generation of adults who don't know how to cope with anything. :(

GMR said...

Now there's a post title and a half! ^_^ Let's see...the monkey's, eww..good thing I'm not a monkey. O_O OMG on the goggles, guess there will be a lot of red eyes in the pool now. WOW on the wheelchair though...imagine the possibilities. Great shares Tracy! Thanks for making my day a little brighter... ^_^

The Golden Eagle said...

Interesting post!

That wheelchair sounds like it could be very useful!

Kelly said...

Hmmm... well, I guess it's no wonder that I've never been attracted to male monkeys.

The swim goggle story is just ridiculous. Attitudes like that exasperate me.

I'd love one of those sick bags. What a conversation piece!!

As a parent (and total respector of wild animals) I was astounded by the alligator story!! I can't imagine!!

Suko said...

Petty, you seem to naturally zero in on the absurd! Thanks for another funny post.

Nikki-ann said...

£14,200-a-year for a washer-upper?! I wonder what the hours are like... Hmm. Hehe :)

NRIGirl said...

Great list! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!

StarTraci said...

Oh dear, where to start? First, make sure that the advert for the royal washer-upper is not answered by a monkey. I don't think Prince Phillip would appreciate the change in aftershave!

The sick bags are hilarious. I have been amazed at how crazy Americans have become over William and Kate. The "Today" show has been doing a countdown.

:-)
Traci

Jenners said...

What exactly does this washer upper wash????

And I think Mr. Jenners uses the same cologne as the monkeys! HAHA!

A said...

Hahaha. Always a funny list.

Monkey urine study...I do not believe it.

Searching for socks .. a month..I can believe that..may be more

Sick bag..haha

Alexia561 said...

Love these posts! And I really, really need one of those sick bags, as the wedding countdown is getting a little ridiculous(says the woman who got up at 4am to watch the "other" royal wedding!)*L*

purplume said...

OMG so many fascinating and interesting tidbits.
Re the mind controlled wc,
I read Natural Born Cyborgs by Andy Clark. The future sounds incredible.
Funny about the urine and that the average man learns to cook 4 meals. You point up how valuable it is not to waste time searching for things. XD