HOW ABOUT SAUTEED TORTOISE WASHED DOWN WITH A NICE BOTTLE OF STOLEN ROSE?

Never mind throwing them out, off with their heads!!!!!

The owner of a royalty-themed tearoom threw out three middle-aged customers who refused to stand when she played the National Anthem.
Every 3pm, Mrs Atkinson asks customers to stand and then lets a young customer tap a helium balloon which then plays the tune of the National Anthem. More


And talking of her majesty .......


Council chiefs have banned Jubilee bunting from town centre lamp posts - over health and safety fears.
Traders in Burnham-on-Sea, Somerset, planned to hang several hundred feet of flags along the High Street to mark the event.

But Somerset County Council says every lamppost would have to be ‘stress tested’ to ensure they are strong enough to hold the lightweight paper decorations. More

Not the Olympic Torch but a bottle of rosé ......

The streets were packed and there was barely a child without some kind of flag to wave and then it was heard. The pounding of feet along an ancient Truro street in the shadow of the cathedral, right here on the Olympic torch route.

Would it be 32-year-old Lisa Heal, running her stint in a relay that would parade the torch for another 69 days around Britain?

Well no, actually. It was a young brunette shoplifter, holding aloft a bottle of rosé and being pursued down the centre of the street by two assistants from the Co-op store. More


Though I don't in any way condone thieving ....... you have to admit this bandit did have a lot of bottle.*


A brazen shopper was at the centre of a police probe over claims he stole  supermarket booze worth £2,500 - which was loaded into his trolley by unsuspecting staff.
The man told Asda workers he agreed a ‘buy now, pay later’ deal with the store manager to supply drink for his party.
“Unbelievably everyone took his word for it and even worse is the fact staff were summoned to load the booze into trolleys and help take it out to the car park. More



Talk about stating the obvious, would you pick these flowers?

Unsurprisingly , the delicate woodland flowers at Longleat Safari Park in Wiltshire have remained untouched and untrampled by people for years.
But the attraction's bosses feel the presence of the pride of 12 lions isn't enough of a warning to the visitors.
They have now erected a sign telling them 'Please Do Not Pick the Flowers', though anyone venturing into this particular lions' den is clearly a combination of brave and stupid. More



Yum!!!!!!!


If you're wondering what to whip up for dinner tonight, how about sparrows on toast, live frog pie, or even sauteed tortoise?
These were some of the delights on the menu in the Middle Ages. And for those with a strong stomach can be recreated today, thanks to a new cookbook. More


Who said romance was dead .......

When Bryan Lacey stood up to give his groom's speech at his wedding to Hannah Brown, everyone was expecting the usual list of thank yous  and a tear-jerking recollection of how he met his bride.
But the professional stand-up comedian had other ideas about how to declare his undying love.
The 32-year-old took to the stage to perform an ode to his new wife - in which he promises to love her until she is old and grey, needs a Stannah stairlift, zimmer frame and bladder control pants. More




* To have a lot of bottle = To be courageous.