Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.
He says "So, what's bothering you Mary my dear?"
To which she replies "Oh Father, I've got terrible news. Me husband passed away last night."
The priest says "Oh Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, did he have any last requests?"
She says "That he did, Father....."
The priest says "What did he ask Mary?"
She says "He said, "Please Mary, put down that damn gun".
A scuffle started in a local pub one Friday night. Words were exchanged, then insults and finally blows. Bottles, glasses, people flew through the air and Casey ended up being hit in the face by a piece of glass which cut his nose off.
"Stick his nose back on and hold it with your hand," ordered McGinty "And we'll get him to hospital."
Onto the street they flew only to be greeted by the rain which was pelting down.
Quickly they bundled the injured man into the casualty department of the hospital.
"Will he live?" they enquired.
"Sorry, it's too late," replied the doctor, "He's a goner."
"Was it loss of blood?" asked Finbar.
"No, he drown . You put his nose on upside down," sighed the doctor.