22 Nov 2010

BIG HATS AND 'CAMP' COFFINS.

Starting with the Daily Telegraph ......

You REMEMBER MY SAYING that I was hardly likely to get an invitation to the wedding of the year? Well, I may well get to wear a big hat after all as ......

Prince William and Kate Middleton want their wedding to be a 'people's ceremony' with as many commoners ordinary members of the public invited as possible. - Gordon Rayner. (click HERE for full story.)

Lets hope the love of Wills and Kate lasts longer than that of Sarindi and Saruni.

A female swan that 'divorced' its mate has returned to Britain with (shock, horror) a new partner. (As swans normally mater for life) the swan known as Sarindi surprised experts by abandoning a previous partner, Saruni.No longer able to smoke in public places it would seem that the smoking ban has created a whole new breed of felon.

Treat a smoker like a criminal - get a villain.
The smoking ban has bred a  Raffles (slang for a burglar OR cockney rhyming for a mistake? Take your pick) who orders extravagant restaurant meals with wine, pops out ostensibly for a smoke between courses, then does a runner leaving a huge unpaid bill. The offense is a greater problem for places that feel it insults honest customers to hold their credit cards on arrival, as if running up a tab in a pub.

And here was me thinking my daily dealings on the farm * were pure escapism.

Most video games have obvious escapist themes, allowing players to immerse themselves in fantastical scenarios such as leading dwarf armies or shooting aliens in epic space battles. FarmVille is not really about escaping to a farm – most of the office workers saving their digital coins to buy virtual tractors would panic were they ever to be presented with an actual pig. Perhaps what the sudden popularity of co-operative farming games shows is that, for many modern workers, the idea of owning a piece of land within a friendly community is now just as inconceivable as pulverising zombie invaders in Resident Evil 4.
Farming games tap into a powerful collective wish-fulfilment fantasy: the fantasy of running your own life rather than being a peasant in the neo-feudal hierarchy of corporate serfdom - Laurie Penny, the Guardian (READ MORE.)

Whatever next?

Two undertakers in the north-western German city of Cologne are trying to tap into the gay market by selling coffins adorned with images of male nudes.
"We believe you should be able to have a coffin that lets you embark on your last journey in a way that reflects how you lived your life," said undertaker Thomas Brandl. - the Guardian (READ FULL STORY)

Ooh I wonder if I'll be able to get one designed to look like a book OR perhaps a giant bar of chocolate?

And finally, in Sunday's Observer we have this article by Tracy McVeigh.

Many of you will have heard of Lager Louts (A person (especially a young male) who behaves in a violent manner when drunk) and now thanks to the Daily Telegraph you know of the criminal who relies on the smoking ban to leave without paying for their meal. Now learn about the so-called Saga Lout,

It is being dubbed the 'grey crimewave' or the rise of the 'saga lout'; new statistics reveal that ever higher numbers of pensioners being arrested and ending up in Britain's jails. (READ MORE)

Quite funny on the face of it - I'm sure, like me, many of you had images of little old ladies running amok in the streets, staging 'smash-and-grab raids using a zimmer frame, committing robberies with a mobility scooter as the getaway vehicle, holding up post offices with walking sticks whilst collecting their pensions BUT this does have a serious side to it in that researchers found that a startlingly high percentage of over-60s appearing in court had undiagnosed dementia.

* For those of you unaware I'm a level 72, multimillionaire farmer in my spare time. Ok then, put another way, I play Farmville.

17 comments:

Misha1989 said...

Yet another hilarious post!
If you get an invitation to the "big" wedding, I want all the details lol.

How sad is that now days even swans are divorcing each other.*makes disappointed face*

Vivienne said...

Tracy - I am sure you should have a job on QI. I do love your weekly posts of news. Enjoy the big day if you get an invite.

Jenners said...

My sister-in-law got sucked into Farmville (I will resist as long as possible) so I'll have to send her that link. But recently she somehow got involved in something called Mafia Wars so I don't know if she is still farming peacefully.

Oddyoddyo13 said...

Oh my grapes those are some strange articles...I think my favorite was the swan one.

SG said...

Interesting and hilarious. Never a dull moment.

A said...

Monday morning stuff reading on Monday night here...very interesting picks... i thought maybe you will pick more on royal wedding but maybe nothing more interesting

naida said...

Great post. I play Farmville too :)
Level 40 so far. Planted pumpkins this morning actually.
http://thebookworm07.blogspot.com/

Dorte H said...

A bookish coffin for me, please!

And do remember to show us your big hat.

budh.aaah said...

very interesting post as usual. Also came to know a bit about you in the sense that you are on FB(?? are you really we should connect there too) and that you like Farmville(well me too-we could be neighbours :)

Suko said...

Petty, how do you collect all these funny tidbits?!

Certain family members do play Farmville in my household. It actually does sound like fun to me--but I already spend too much time online. :)

Kelly said...

I always think of you and my sister when I hear about Farmville. Do y'all still farm next to each other? I guess it's a good thing I don't do FB and therefore can't farm. I know I would be addicted!

I keep thinking about that swan! Geese mate for life, too, and I didn't know they ever "divorced"!!

NRIGirl said...

Petty Witter! You made me chuckle on the suggested coffin like a book or chocolate bar... Very funny!

kavita said...

An interview with Saruni would be wonderful..he must be heart broken.I wonder what made Sarindi leave her husband ?I will be thinking about them the whole day.
Holding credit card on arrival..hmmm I was doing good but i had to choose between family or farmville .My comment is getting too long ...
Hilarious post...enjoyed it thoroughly !

Sheila (Bookjourney) said...

Wedding or not... I want to see you in the big hat! :)

....Petty Witter said...

As always many thanks to each and every one of you for your comments. Please forgive my not replying to every one of you but to answer those who asked questions:-

Naida and Budh ....aah - I have been trying to add you as FB friends and FV neighbours but with no luck. If you want you can contact me by clicking on the fB icon on my sidebar.

Kelly - Yes, I still have the pleasure of being a neighbour of your sister.

GMR said...

Ooh la la. So you may just be going yet, hmm? ^_^
Still can't say I get the point of games like Farmville but to each their own. On the coffins...um...no comment. O_O ...though the book one has (morbid) potential.

Nina said...

Wow, maybe you do get invited by them. That would be totally cool. You could get dressed up and take pictures of them. And then of course sell them to the US bloggers who want to know more about the wedding and the dress that she had on. The cake you all ate! Wouldn't that be great! :)
I wished that dreams could come true.