BIG HATS AND 'CAMP' COFFINS.

Starting with the Daily Telegraph ......

You REMEMBER MY SAYING that I was hardly likely to get an invitation to the wedding of the year? Well, I may well get to wear a big hat after all as ......

Prince William and Kate Middleton want their wedding to be a 'people's ceremony' with as many commoners ordinary members of the public invited as possible. - Gordon Rayner. (click HERE for full story.)

Lets hope the love of Wills and Kate lasts longer than that of Sarindi and Saruni.

A female swan that 'divorced' its mate has returned to Britain with (shock, horror) a new partner. (As swans normally mater for life) the swan known as Sarindi surprised experts by abandoning a previous partner, Saruni.No longer able to smoke in public places it would seem that the smoking ban has created a whole new breed of felon.

Treat a smoker like a criminal - get a villain.

The smoking ban has bred a  Raffles (slang for a burglar OR cockney rhyming for a mistake? Take your pick) who orders extravagant restaurant meals with wine, pops out ostensibly for a smoke between courses, then does a runner leaving a huge unpaid bill. The offense is a greater problem for places that feel it insults honest customers to hold their credit cards on arrival, as if running up a tab in a pub.

And here was me thinking my daily dealings on the farm * were pure escapism.

Most video games have obvious escapist themes, allowing players to immerse themselves in fantastical scenarios such as leading dwarf armies or shooting aliens in epic space battles. FarmVille is not really about escaping to a farm – most of the office workers saving their digital coins to buy virtual tractors would panic were they ever to be presented with an actual pig. Perhaps what the sudden popularity of co-operative farming games shows is that, for many modern workers, the idea of owning a piece of land within a friendly community is now just as inconceivable as pulverising zombie invaders in Resident Evil 4.

Farming games tap into a powerful collective wish-fulfilment fantasy: the fantasy of running your own life rather than being a peasant in the neo-feudal hierarchy of corporate serfdom - Laurie Penny, the Guardian (READ MORE.)

Whatever next?

Two undertakers in the north-western German city of Cologne are trying to tap into the gay market by selling coffins adorned with images of male nudes.

"We believe you should be able to have a coffin that lets you embark on your last journey in a way that reflects how you lived your life," said undertaker Thomas Brandl. - the Guardian (READ FULL STORY)

Ooh I wonder if I'll be able to get one designed to look like a book OR perhaps a giant bar of chocolate?

And finally, in Sunday's Observer we have this article by Tracy McVeigh.

Many of you will have heard of Lager Louts (A person (especially a young male) who behaves in a violent manner when drunk) and now thanks to the Daily Telegraph you know of the criminal who relies on the smoking ban to leave without paying for their meal. Now learn about the so-called Saga Lout,

It is being dubbed the 'grey crimewave' or the rise of the 'saga lout'; new statistics reveal that ever higher numbers of pensioners being arrested and ending up in Britain's jails. (READ MORE)

Quite funny on the face of it - I'm sure, like me, many of you had images of little old ladies running amok in the streets, staging 'smash-and-grab raids using a zimmer frame, committing robberies with a mobility scooter as the getaway vehicle, holding up post offices with walking sticks whilst collecting their pensions BUT this does have a serious side to it in that researchers found that a startlingly high percentage of over-60s appearing in court had undiagnosed dementia.

* For those of you unaware I'm a level 72, multimillionaire farmer in my spare time. Ok then, put another way, I play Farmville.