Here, according to Monday's Guardian g2, is 'What To Do If Animals Attack You'.
Hungry monkeys: You could simply give the said monkey your (add snack of choice). Failing that try the 'open mouth threat' - make an 'O' with your mouth, lean forward and raise your eyebrows. Then back away slowly. If that doesn't work, open a can of beer and talk about football (they're a bit more afraid of men than woman).
- As reported by Phil Daoust.