.. These lot wouldn't be able to blow their noses.
'Two sandwiches short of a picnic', 'Two slices short of a loaf of bread', 'Not the brightest bulb in the room' and, my favourite - 'not the fizziest drink in the fridge'. All of them sayings that are used to describe those who, not necessarily of low intelligence, do the stupidest of things. Take this lot as an example - or is it just they were unlucky?
In America, having ripped his Blockbuster uniform whilst skateboarding and knowing his boss would be angry, Aaron Siebers, 29, from Colorado, stabbed himself in the leg just so he could call in sick.
In the UK, a bungling fraudster who illegally claimed nearly £20,000 in benefits was caught after posting revealing details on Facebook.
Michelle Cooper, 32, received cash for eight years after telling officials her partner did not live with her and her three children.
But an investigator saw she had written on her Facebook page that they had lived together for 10 years - two years before she first received benefits. Cooper admitted fraud and said she had claimed cash as "she did not know if the relationship would last".
In China, police have arrested a man for trying to use his wife's gym membership - after she'd died! Lau Siu-Wah, 51, was spotted in women's clothing trying to enter the female-only section at the gym in the Sheraton Hotel in Hong Kong.
In Germany, a thief who stole a van from a circus abandoned it when he discovered it had a lion in the back. Wuppertal police believe that Caesar, a five-year-old lion with Circus Probst, may have woken up and frightened the driver when the van started to move.
In Australia, four men have been arrested on exposure and public nuisance charges after stripping naked to use a car wash. Female companions took photos of the early morning shower in Bileola, Queensland.
In Wales, a man wanted for questioning by police in connection with a burglary has sent them a new photo of himself - because he didn't like the one they'd issued to his local paper. Matthew Maynard, 23, from Swansea, even cheekily posed for the new picture next to a police van.
Staff at a shop in Iowa, USA, burgled twice in two months, were so jumpy they threw money at a man they thought was robbing them. In fact he only wanted some crisps, so he ignored the shower of money and left.
A group on a murder mystery weekend in Somerset, England, found the 'killer' but failed to spot a real crime. While they hunted for clues, a laptop, telly and cash were stolen.