FROM CRACKERS TO A SLANKET.

Look as hard as I did, there just weren't any really laugh-out-articles in this weeks newspapers - what with the semi-final of STRICTLY COME DANCING (known as Dancing With The Stars in the USA, featuring 'celebrities' with their professional dance partners competing in Ballroom and Latin dances) and the final of THE X FACTOR(a British singing talent competition contested by aspiring singers drawn from public auditions who, if chosen, have to go through a number of different stages in order to make it to the final) and, then, something called Christmas (an annual event, I believe it happens at this time of year most years). However, I did manage to find these odds-and-ends, all of them with a rather festive theme.

Niece #1 has the advantage of looking several years younger than her twenty years and last Christmas, wishing to buy some Whisky liqueur chocolates as a present, was asked to prove she was over eighteen years of age therefore I'm sure she'll sympathise with the young man in this first article.

A store demanded shoppers prove they were over 21 before being allowed to buy .... Christmas crackers.

Lee Frost, 27, was stunned when a woman cashier refused to sell him a 99p box of crackers because he had no identification to prove his age.

Lee said "It is health and safety (Considering the time of year, shouldn't that be 'elf 'and safety?) gone mad. I told her to pull the other one."

Fellow shopper Nia Strong, 26, faced the same problem. She said "I had to show my driving licence. It really is crackers." (I wonder how many more puns about Christmas crackers they could come up with giving enough time?)

Also, whilst on the subject of blunders, how's this for a story?

Whoops!!!

A group of tourists who travelled 280 miles to visit one of Europe's busiest Christmas markets ended up at a closed car boot sale after their driver got lost.

The tourists from Hull, travelled overnight to reach Belgium's Winter Wonders festival in Brussels. But they were stunned when their coach arrived at a shabby market with empty chalets.

It was only when they got home that they realised the intended market was just three miles up the road.

Next ........ I can't make up my mind whether this is romantic or not. Whatever the case might be, surely it's a good example of re-cycling. What do you think?

A couple are keeping the spirit of Christmas past going - by sending each other the same cards for 31 years.

Stephen and Glynis Woolner had only been married six years when they first bought the festive cards in 1978.

The following year, Stephen, now 58, spotted the card he'd sent Glynis - showing a man in fetching purple flares decorating a tree (Hardly romantic then but it is the thought that counts) - among their old Christmas decorations and gave it to her.

Glynis, 58, took her revenge on her Scrooge-like husband (Aha, not romantic at all, simply too mean to buy a new card?) by sending him her old card - a cat in a pink scarf with the message ' Christmas Greetings Sweetheart'.

Luckily, both cards are A4 size with enough room for the romantic messages penned inside. One heartfelt sentiment from Stephen to Glynis reads "All my love now and always. Thank you for your love all these years."

Glynis says exchanging the cards has become a family Christmas tradition they won't let go and added "If Stephen tried to give me a new one, I'd flatly refuse it. We exchange the cards when we get the decorations out on the Monday before Christmas. We're going to carry on this tradition and will stick in extra pages when we run out of space."

Stephen added "Some people assume we're skinflints but these cards mean a lot to us. (OK, I'm convinced, very romantic) It's great to have memories written down. I hope we can pass it down to our daughter and grandsons."

And finally, what could be more romantic than cuddling up with your loved one?

It's a blanket with arms. For two.

A blanket with four arms! Basically it simulates what would happen if you and your partner were eaten by the sofa.

Eaten by the sofa? Not exactly romantic, more the stuff nightmares are made of. So, just what is this 'blanket with four arms'?

It is, of course ..... a Siamese Slanket, available at the bargain price of $40.99 (approximately £26 sterling) from http://www.theslanket.com/

FOOT NOTE: All of today's articles are from the Daily Mirror apart from the Siamese Slanket which was advertised in the Guardian.