Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls ..
(Emm, actually better forget the boys and girls, this is definitely one for the grown-ups) .. I bring you ...
The 2017 Bad Sex In Literature Awards shortlist.
(Warning: Contains material that may offend the easily offended, minors please check with an adult, otherwise click here to proceed. TT)
.... He led her back up the beach to where the sand was dry. Then he took off his coat, placed it on the ground and she lay down upon it.
So far so good. He (whoever He is) sounds like the perfect gentleman, very chivalrous of him to be laying down his coat for his lady friend, don't you think? After all we don't want sand getting anywhere unmentionable, do we?
Read the rest of the quote that saw Wilbur Smith shortlisted though and you'll realise that Leon (as we now know him to be) isn't exactly the perfect gentleman, his lady friend, well, hardly ladylike and, by the sound of it, not too worried where sand may or may not be getting.
I've got to say I'm with the judges, this year's nominations are 'quite good'. I'd love to know which author you think worthy of the award. For anyone new to Pen and Paper, please lets keep it clean and don't add any of the actual quotes themselves in the comment box, just the author will do.