FATHER CHRISTMAS BREAKS WITH TRADITION.

 Dear Friends,

I know it has become something of a tradition for me to post my Christmas message on Boxing Day but this year I thought it would make a nice change for me to post something on Christmas Eve before I set off on my journey around the world and given how bad some of the so-called jokes in Christmas crackers are I'm so pleased I did.

Relaxing after the Christmas rush last year, Mother Christmas and I sat down to beans on toast. Well, can you blame us? To be honest if I never see another mince pie, cookie, glass of sherry/milk again I'll be just as happy. And as for the reindeer and all those carrots. Least said but let me tell you cleaning their stalls out after they have eaten their body weight in them is hardly fun. Still, I suppose that's what the elves are for.

Anyway, back to Christmas cracker jokes. Hardly funny are they? Which is why I've selected a few of my own which I hope you like.

  Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on Ebay?

They were too deer.

    Mary and Joseph? Talk about a couple in a stable relationship.

    How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus was 7lb 9oz when he was born?

They had a weigh in a manger.

    Why is it getting harder to buy advent calendars?

There days are numbered.

    How many letters are there in an angel's alphabet?

24. There is 'no EL'. 

    What do you call a group of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby.

Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

    How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer, Olive?

You know 'Olive the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names'.

Happy holidays and remember I know whether you've been naughty or nice,

The Terry's Alternative Christmas Tree.

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