WAKING UP TO A RIGHT LOAD OF OLD PANTS.

Now that's what I call a wake-up call!
A couple from Epsom, Surrey, had a rude awakening after an out-of-control car flew 80ft through the air and into their upstairs bedroom as they slept. More

Way to go Joyce ......
Meet the world's oldest papergirl , Joyce Pugh, of Shropshire, who has been doing the same round for 41 years.
The great-gran, 81, began delivering her local newspaper each evening in 1971 to help top up her income.
Since then Joyce has dropped an astonishing 291,000 copies through residents’ letterboxes, pedalled more than 10,000 miles and never taken a day off sick AND she still gets paid only 60p a day. More

And film-goers won't find this distracting?
The Prince Charles cinema in London's Leicester Square is clamping down on inconsiderate film-goers with the help of a team of 'cinema ninjas'.
Anyone caught flouting the rules will be targeted by an army of volunteers dressed in black skintight lycra suits, who in return for their time can watch films for free. More

Cute animal story of the week .......
Jess, a 10 year old Springer Spaniel, loves to help out on owner  farm in Devon, having been trained from a puppy not just to round up the lambs but also to help feed the 300-strong flock and in return gets her tummy rubbed by some very grateful sheep. More

Geordie Pantsman and his record haul of 302 pairs of underpants!
53 year old Dad-of-three David Craig (nicknamed Geordie Pantsman) covered himself in glory by pulling on a world record breaking haul of 302 pairs of underpants in front of a crowd of 1,000 cheering fans at Gypsies Green, South Shields. More


And talking of pants .......
Sales of Boris Johnson pants have exploded since the London Major's popularity soared.
A website selling the white y-fronts with politician's faces on the back has crashed 14 times in the last week due to the demand for BoJo ones. More

And now its the turn of my favourite article of the week .......
With tiny tables, colourful cloths and a cordoned off dining area these British Telecom workers sick of the usual cold pasties and soggy sandwiches tuck  into today's special - coq au van. More

Not that I'm condoning this woman's behaviour but I admit I had to laugh at this headline .......
'I'm a pirate, I'm Jack Sparrow' shouted drunken woman before hijacking passenger ferry. More

Aaaahhhh, how romantic (though you have to wonder what he'd done that flowers or chocolates weren't a big enough apology)
A heartbroken van driver parked next to a busy roundabout and poured out his feelings on the side of his vehicle in big orange letters.
The silver VW vehicle was left parked prominently beside the George Reynolds industrial estate outside Shildon, County Durham, with the words: "Linda, I'm sorry," printed on the side.
The message continued: "I'm a fool and an idiot sometimes, I love you with all my heart! Please come home and put this right. WE MISS YOU! I MISS US. I want to grow old with you. WILL YOU MARRY ME? More

And finally ...... Husband dearest's pick of the week.
Residents are baffled after council contractors painted a stretch of double yellow lines - just 21 inches long.
Motorists will be fined £50 or £70 if they park on the lines in Canterbury, Kent, which aren't even big enough to paint a skateboard. More