... by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.
P IS FOR PIZZA, PIGS, PITCH (INVASION), POLICE AND POTTY TRAINING.
POP-UP PIZZA.Health bodies may complain but junk food lovers will celebrate after a new pop-up pizza you can cook in four minutes was launched by Marks and Spencer.
The pizzas, the first of their kind on the high street, will be available for £2 and have a pre-cooked base. The appetisers come in a 'pocket' that will prevent the contents spilling out into the toaster.
But critics have said the new snacks may lead to people over-indulging, with a typical slice of the pizza containing 190 to 250 calories, which is twice as much as that of a slice of toast. - The Metro (06/02/2012)
And talking of ham, not just one 'piggy' story but two ......
MISS PIGGY TO HOST BAFTAS.* Miss Piggy (pictured left with Kermit), the glamorous star of The Muppets, is to be the official red carpet host at the Bafta Film Awards this year, it has been announced. - The Telegraph (07/02/2012)
* Shown last night.
THE 17 STONE 'MICRO'PIG. Trusting Janey Byrne thought she'd bought a trendy micro pig — then watched her balloon into this 17st monster.
Janey, 43, forked out £350 for porker Meeka after the breeder who sold her said she'd never get bigger than a springer spaniel.
But three years later the hulking beast weighs the same as a rugby forward and is 5ft long and 2½ft high. - Alex West, The Sun (08/02/2012)
From pigs to cats ......
CAT INVADES FOOTBALL PITCH.A cat manages to find its way onto the pitch during the premier league match between Liverpool and Tottenham at Anfield.
The feline intruder made its appearance 11 minutes into the game, stopping the match as Spurs goalkeeper Brad Friedel tried to shepherd it towards the touchline. - The Telegraph (07/02/2012)
Just goes to show that its not just the criminals who make mistakes.
As the probationary officer from Sussex Police searched for suspects, the camera operator radioed that he had seen someone “acting suspiciously” in the area.
But he failed to realise that it was actually the plain-clothed officer he was watching on the screen, according to details leaked to an industry magazine.
The operator directed the officer, who was on foot patrol, as he followed the "suspect" on camera last month, telling his colleague on the ground that he was "hot on his heels".
The officer spent around 20 minutes giving chase before a sergeant came into the CCTV control room, recognised the “suspect” and laughed hysterically at the mistake. - Andrew Hough, The Telegraph (08/02/2012)
POLICE MISTAKE 'ZOMBIE' FOR GUNMAN.Police swooped on a town centre after a 999 call about a "gunman on the loose" - only to find college students filming a zombie movie. Passers-by had called 999 after spotting one of the students 'running around with a gun' - which turned out to be a toy pistol. Police closed off the High Street and surrounding roads and cordoned off the area as they chased down the suspects, who had not alerted police or council chiefs that they were making a film. - The Telegraph (09/02/2012)
Keeping the best for last ..... my favourite article of the week ......
TOILET TRAINING FOR STUDENTS.Swansea University students are being given toilet training after complaints about the state of the loos on their campus.
Bosses at Swansea University have put up signs (shown below) instructing students how to use the toilets properly after some were found in a mess. They show images of both the correct and incorrect ways to use the loos.
- The Telegraph (10/02/2012)
As always I will endeavour to bring you the links (marked in bold capitals) to articles I have used in my Media Monday posts but this is not always possible.