MANNERS PLEASE.

"Manners maketh man."

- William of Wykeham, Chancellor of England, Bishop of Winchester and founder of New College, Oxford, and Winchester College.

In a recent interview, Michelle Dockery, who plays Lady Mary in DownTon Abbey, bemoaned the lost art of chivalry commenting.......

“Those old manners – such as men standing when women arrive at the dinner table or opening doors for you – are lovely,” she said. “But young men wouldn’t think about that for a second because it’s not the culture any more.”

Or is it just that with the advent of the so-called Girl Power a whole generation of women have grown up thinking men are treating them as the weaker sex who are unable to open a door for themselves? Its either that OR a whole generation of men have grown up never for one moment even considering that a woman might actually enjoy having a door held open for her? 

Hmm, I wonder.

Anyway in a Telegraph article journalist Iain Hollingshead offers this somewhat tongue-in-cheek do and don't guide to chivalry for the confused and fallible 21st-century male - click HERE to view in full.

ON THE COMMUTER TRAIN

Do ......
 Offer a pregnant woman your seat
 Check that the “pregnant” woman isn’t just a bit fat
 Check again
 Try to remain calm when you’re slapped in the face by an outraged fat woman

Don’t ......
 Put your armpit in a short woman’s face
 Hit anyone with your man bag, unless they’re a tourist
 Get on the Underground without letting people off first, unless it’s rush hour on the Northern Line, in which case it’s every man and (pregnant) woman for themselves

Do ...... 
 Offer to carry a woman’s bag if it looks heavy

Don’t ......
 Be too offended when she calls the police.


IN THE OFFICE


Do ......
 Congratulate a female colleague on her forthcoming marriage

Don’t ......
 Ask her when she’s going to have children – and whether this means you can take her job

Do ......
 Include your female colleagues when you visit a strip club with clients

Don’t ......
 Be surprised when they sue your firm for £10.4 million for sexual harassment

Do ......
 Take your statutory paternity leave

Don’t ......
 Tell your male colleagues how much you enjoyed it

Do ......
 Be encouraging to the girl on work experience

Don’t ......
 Show her round the stationery cupboard


ON A FIRST DATE


Do ......
 Offer to pay
 Repeat your offer when she counter-offers to “go Dutch”
 Give in gracefully when she insists for a second time

Don’t ......
 Suggest you should go Dutch straight away
 Point out that she had a more expensive starter than you and should
 pay accordingly
 Invoice her after the third date when she refuses a fourth


AT THE SHOPS


Do ......
 Hold a door open for a woman
 Hold a door open for a man

Don’t ......
 Get too upset when no one says thank you


IN THE NIGHTCLUB


Do ......
 Ask a girl to dance
 Dance well
 Try to kiss her

Don’t ......
 Lunge unsuccessfully more than once
 Dance too well

WHILE PROPOSING


Do ......
 Ask her before she asks you
 Ask her before she asks you to ask her
 Ask her father for permission unless she would definitely like you not to ask her father, but you can’t ask her to find out – you should just know
 Go down on one knee, unless she’d rather you didn’t
 Have a perfect ring, unless she’d rather choose it together
 Make it more romantic, more memorable and more impressive than all her friends’ proposals put together

Don’t .....
 Forget a single one of the dos

AT THE WEDDING


Do ......
 Say how nice the bride looks

Don’t ......
 Point out how much money they could have saved if she had only worn that nice dress she already had in her wardrobe

AT THE DINNER PARTY


Do ......
 Stand up when a woman comes into the room

Don’t ......
 Stand up if the room they’ve walked into is the lavatory

Do ......
 Flirt gently with your hostess

Don’t ......
 Ask her to leave the room after pudding so the men can talk business

Do ......
 Offer to drive your wife home

Don’t ......
 Put your keys in the bowl in the middle of the table first


IN THE PUB


Do ......
 Stand your round
 Pretend you’re interested in football

Don’t ......
 Order shandy


IN THE HOME

Do ......
 Take out the rubbish
 Put up shelves
 Deal with spiders
 Cook
 Learn how to change nappies

Don’t ......
 Complain
 Suggest that maternity leave is just a paid holiday

Do ......
 Fend off burglars

Don’t ......
 Kill them

IN THE BATHROOM


Do ......
 Use moisturiser

Don’t ......
 Tell anyone about it


ON THE MIXED DOUBLES TENNIS COURT

Do ......
 Pretend you’re trying your hardest

Don’t ......
 Slam a smash into your friend’s wife’s face

IN THE DELIVERY ROOM


Do ......
 Turn up
 Hold your wife’s hand
 Be sober

Don’t ......
 Be upset that when in the throes of labour pains your wife draws blood with her nails and calls you a ******* ****

IN THE RESTAURANT


Do ......
 Pretend you know something about wine when the sniffy maitre d’ thrusts a menu at you

Don’t ......
 Automatically choose the second cheapest

Do ......
 Sniff, swill and taste without giggling

Don’t ......
 Send the screw-top white back because it’s corked


ON THE SOFA


Do ......
 Pretend that you’re just as interested in Downton Abbey as Top Gear, Ultimate Force and Scrapheap Challenge

Don’t ......
 Take too seriously the views of an actress asked about modern manners

OR, might I suggest, a journalists article on chivalry for the confused and fallible 21st-century male.