... by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.
Lola is the proud owner of a £5,000 hand-made designer bed and her own jewellery collection. She also has hundreds of hand-made dresses, costing up to £400 each.
In fact, the fashion-conscious dog now has so many clothes she needs her own adult-size walk-in wardrobe and her own chest of drawers at Louise’s home near Stansted, Essex. - Sue Crawford, The Mirror (28/11/2011)
Thank Hovis .......
LOAF OF BREAD SAVED MY LIFE.Car crash victim Liz Douglas has said that she is still alive thanks to a loaf of bread which acted as an air bag when she flipped her car on to its roof.
The white sliced loaf flew out of her shopping bag on the back seat and became wedged between her head and the roof of the car after she hit a telegraph pole and lost control.
The £1.15 Hovis Soft White was still in place when firefighters arrived to cut her from the wreckage an hour later. - Emily Hewett, The Metro (28/11/2011)
And talking of bread ....... Marmite, love it or hate it, surely it's better spread on bread rather than all over a road.
23.5 TONNES OF MARMITE SPILLED ON MOTORWAY.A large-scale clean-up operation was launched after a tanker carrying more than 20 tonnes of yeast extract - believed to be Marmite - overturned on the busy M1 motorway in SouthYorkshire near Sheffield. - Andy Bloxham, The Telegraph ( 29/11/2011)*
Staying with food, how about .........
A TUB OF YOGHURT COMPLETE WITH A ROTTEN TOOTH?43-year-old David Casey was sitting comfortably in front of the TV eating the fudge-flavoured snack when he bit down on something hard andwas disgusted to find the object was a tooth — complete with filling.
The furious ex-squaddie put the tooth in a bag and drove straight to the Tesco superstore at Coventry's Arena Park shopping centre, where he bought the yoghurt pot, to complain and was given a 68p refund. - Bella Battle, The Sun (28/11/2011) I hope he kept the tooth to put under his pillow for the Tooth Fairy, I'm sure it would have fetched more than his meagre 68p refund.
And so onto two car related articles, both from the 29th of November 2011, the first appeared in The Telegraph, the second in The Metro.
BMW SHOWROOM TO PROVIDE UMBRELLAS.A BMW showroom was forced to provide umbrellas to customers because of an "aerial bombardment" from seagulls attracted to a nearby waste site.
The gulls have been blamed for peppering the cars and customers with droppings, dive-bombing staff and even dropping leftover chicken carcasses.
The problem has got so bad, bosses at the Vines dealership in Guildford, Surrey, are now handing customers brollies and telling them to beware of the gulls.
YOU DID SAY A FLOATING CAR?Conditions in the Bristol Channel today present moderate to good visibility with some showers – and the chance of spotting a floating Vauxhall Corsa.
Authorities in the region are asking ships to keep an eye out for the car, after it was submerged after being parked on a slipway near Swansea yesterday afternoon.
A spokesman for the Swansea Coastguard said: 'We broadcast navigation warnings every four hours, and in that broadcast today we have asked vessels to look out for a silver Vauxhall Corsa.
'It is possible it could be anywhere in the Bristol Channel.'
"He knows if you've been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake!" went the words of that well known Christmas song, SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN and according to the Coco-Cola truck's 'bad' Santa .........
Four-year-old Brooke Rarity was thrilled to be meeting Father Christmas on the famous Coca-Cola truck and was going to ask him for “anything pink”.
But, just like in a scene from the hit 2003 film BAD SANTAstarring Billy Bob Thornton, he reduced her to tears. - Steve White, The Mirror (02/12/2011). In pretty bad taste I know but what can I say except I'm a Brit with a typical warped sense of humour.
PLEASE NOTE : Wherever possible I will endeavour to bring you the links to articles I have used in my Media Monday posts but this is not always possible.
*PS I'm loving these marmite puns ......
"Did it affect the yeastbound carriageway?"
"My mum's driving down the M1 to see me. I'm worried marmite be late."
"At least the holdup was caused by marmite and not the usual traffic jam."