AND THE WINNER OF THE 2011 AWARD FOR BAD SEX IN FICTION GOES TO .........

"There is nothing more English than bad sex, so on behalf of the entire nation I would like to thank you"

- So said novelist Rowan Somerville, author of THE SHAPE OF HER who won last years Bad Sex (In Fiction) Award. To prevent my blushes I won't print any of his award winning words but if you so desire (and want a laugh, yes, it really is that bad) you can click HERE.

Wondering what I'm wittering on about now? You need look no further than THIS POST in which I told of the Bad Sex Awards, the 2011 winner of which was announced last night.

Hmm, strange, not even mentioned on the list of nominees that I saw, the winner is ..........

David Guterson for his fifth novel, ED KING, which is I'm informed is a modern retelling of the story of Oedipus.

An American, yeah, it's normally a British author who wins, Guterson it seems won the award largely due to his overusage of terms such as "family jewels", "back door" and "front parlour". I've included an example (a less blush worthy one) in brackets below which you can highlight if you should wish to do so.

{ "In the shower, Ed stood with his hands at the back of his head, like someone just arrested, while she abused him with a bar of soap. After a while he shut his eyes, and Diane, wielding her fingernails now and staring at his face, helped him out with two practiced hands, one squeezing the family jewels, the other vigorous with the soap-and-warm-water treatment.  }

Not too bad until you realise that Ed is a grown man, Diane his mother.

And the prize?

An abstract statue representing sex in the 1950s. Oh, and what else but of course a box of cigars.