THAT WILL BE £20,005 PLEASE.

How did I miss this article?

 Bust-boosting padding in a bra – dubbed chicken fillets – saved a woman from death in a head-on car smash. 

Lisa Somerville was taken to hospital with a punctured lung, cracked ribs and a broken nose.

“As doctors peeled back my clothes to get a better look at the damage, they noticed the ­skewered ‘chicken fillets’ inside my bra. I was told that my ribs would have pierced my heart without them.

“They gave me the extra ­protection that actually saved my life.” said Lisa, 28,  who started wearing implants when she was jealous of her bustier pals as a teenager. - Paul Byrne, The Mirror (11/11/2011)

All the more funny if you are British and, like me, grew up watching the children's tv programme Rainbow which ran for 20 years from 1972 to 1992.

GEORGE APPEARS IN A TREE TRUNK. A tree bearing a striking resemblance to Rainbow character George has been uncovered by a man in Kent.

Some people may think we may be barking up the wrong tree here but it has to be said this arboreal doppelganger is the spitting image of the lovable pink hippo from the popular children's show. - Jimmy Nsubuga, The Metro (15/11/2011)

Whoops!!!!!! BARONESS MAKES RUDE HAND GESTURE. 

Video of an 89-year-old member of the House of Lords apparently giving a colleague a 'V-sign' in Parliament when he referred to her age has become an unlikely hit online

Thousands have flocked to watch the moment Conservative peer Baroness Trumpington appears to make the gesture at 78-year-old former defence secretary Lord King.

However, the baroness - who worked as a code-breaker at Bletchley Park during her 20s - denied making a rude hand signal.

"'I didn't mean to make the gesture. My hand must have flown up," - Sky News (15/11/2011)

A rather strange case of breaking and entering.

POLICE BREAK INTO HOME ON HEARING SCREAMS. When police heard screaming coming from a house they feared the worst – so imagine their surprise when they broke in to find the noise was actually coming from a bride on TV who had seen her dress for the first time.

Fearing for the welfare of the person inside, the pair knocked loudly on the door, but to their horror were greeted by another scream.

They shouted ‘police’ but there was no reply so, concerned for what they might find, the pair forced their way in, breaking the glass pane on the door to gain access to the home.

“After bursting in, shouting ‘police’, we searched the house and garden but nothing but a shocked teenage girl cuddling a dog with ‘Don’t Tell the Bride’ on the television,” she said.

“It turned out, the initial scream we heard was one of delight as the show finally revealed the bride’s wedding dress.

“The second was one of shock at the sound of us banging on the door – and the silence that followed was the girl dialling 999, scared stiff that someone was forcing their way into the house! - The Bucks Herald (16/11/2011) 

And sticking with the emergency services, I can just see this happening in a cartoon.

POLICE COMMANDEER GOLF BUGGIES. Police officers commandeered golf buggies in vain attempt to catch a burglar who fled onto a golf course.

An elderly woman was attacked by the man, who had forced his way into her house in Hightown, Merseyside.

The would-be thief fled empty-handed, and  fleeing down on to sand dunes and then the West Lancs golf club he made his escape as police officers to the surprise of golfers on the links course took command of electric golf buggies as they tried in vain to apprehend their suspect. - The Telegraph (18/11/2011)

Not something I would have found funny if I was on this flight, as I wasn't I admit I giggled at this somewhat bizarre article.

PLANE PASSENGERS HAVE WHIP ROUND TO PAY FOR FUEL. More than 180 passengers were left stranded on their Boeing 757 when cabin crew announced during a refuelling stop that the Austrian carrier Comtel Air had ‘run out of money.'

The plane from Amritsar, in India, was on a stopover at Vienna en route to Birmingham. Passengers were told that the flight would continue only if 23,400 euros (£20,005) was handed over. Otherwise they and their luggage would be removed from the aircraft. - Andy Dolan, The Mail (17/11/2011)

Not a funny article so please forgive me for not posting it. Both Husband dearest and I had a good chuckle at the headline though, both of us picturing the front end of a pantomime horse/cow beating up a fairy.

Real drama in panto as actor 'tries to kill the Wicked Fairy.' - Ausian Cramb, The Telegraph (18/11/2011)

And last but not least .......

My favourite story of the week.

LIMES, A DANGEROUS WEAPON? Catering chef Marisa Zoccolan was almost banned from buying two limes from a supermarket because they could be classed as a weapon.

The 31-year-old popped into the Asda supermarket to pick up a few groceries, including a couple of the offending fruits But when she tried to pay for them at the self-service checkout, the message “amount exceeded, authorisation required” flashed up, and an assistant told her more than one lime was deemed a weapon . . . because the citric acid could be squirted in someone’s eye! - Coreena Ford, The Sunday Sun (20/11/2011)

PLEASE NOTE : Wherever possible I will endeavour to bring you the links to articles I have used in my Media Monday posts but this is not always possible.