... by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.
Is it a bird or is it a plane OR is it a UFO? You decide.
PROOF THAT UFO'S EXIST OR A SEAGULL HAVING A POO?Surely even the most excitable UFO enthusiast would have realised what this flying object was, but this 'mysterious' seaside snap has just been unveiled at a conference hosted by The Cornwall UFO Research Group.
Dave Gillham, who founded the group in 1995, said of the picture, taken on August 1 from Black Head at Trenarren: 'There appear to be two trails of water beneath the object which look as though they are falling from it in to the sea
'It could be the object has just emerged from the sea.'
But other observers have a more prosaic explanation - it’s a seagull going to the loo. - Hayden Smith, The Metro (10/10/2011)
Aah, taking a bus ..... the only way I'd ever finish a marathon. Not that I'm condoning cheating but you have to admit this is funny .... or is it just me who thinks so?
Rob Sloan claimed third place in the Kielder Marathon after completing the 26.2 mile course in an impressive time of 2:51:00.
But suspicions were raised by fellow runners bemused that they had not seen Sloan pass them during Sunday’s race.
After initially denying any wrongdoing, Sloan admitted to hopping onto a bus at the 20-mile mark because he was feeling tired. He then re-emerged from a wooded area of the course and picked up the bronze medal. - Anita Singh, The Telegraph (12/10/2011)
Nothing quite as scary as an old, arthritic dog.
POSTIES SCARED OF OLD, ARTHRITIC DOG.Royal Mail threatened to stop delivering letters to a pensioner because the postmen are scared of her dog – who is 15, deaf and crippled with arthritis.
Ann Ryan,72, believes she was targeted by Royal Mail because her harmless pal Bobby (wait for it) barked at a postman. - Paul Byrne, The Mirror (13/10/2011)
Mince pies that smell of Christmas trees?
CELEBRITY CHEF'S LATEST CREATION.Last year he caused chaos at the checkout when his Christmas puddings containing a whole candied orange sold out in weeks. Now Heston Blumenthal, the celebrity chef, is aiming to replicate the pudding’s success with a mince pie that smells of Christmas trees.
The chef, who is famous for mixing science with cooking, has invented a puff pastry mince pie that releases the scent of pine when it is heated up and sprinkled with a special sugar.
As well as smelling of Christmas trees, the pies contain apple puree, lemon curd and rose water in additional to the traditional mincemeat. - James Hall, The Telegraph (13/10/2011)
Looser, note how the man is not identified in order to save his flushes blushes.
Being trapped in a toilet seat sent a drunken man around the u-bend when he called on the fire brigade to help.
The 26-year-old had been playing a game with his drinking mates to find items that could fit over their heads when the idea backfired.(PW says please do not try this game at home)
He had the brainwave of putting a loo seat over his head, but decided to see how far it would go over his body.
But the fun turned into a nightmare when it became lodged around his torso. - Lisa Hutchinson, The Sunday Sun (16/10/2011)
PLEASE NOTE : Wherever possible I will endeavour to bring you the links to articles I have used in my Media Monday posts but this is not always possible.