NOT EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS AS IT SEEMS - THE BIKE THAT THINKS IT'S A RECORD PLAYER AND A UFO THAT MAY BE A SEAGULL ANSWERING A CALL OF NATURE.

Whoops! I don't know quite how but I somehow managed to miss these first two howlers from previous Media Monday posts.

They pay someone for doing this job?

HOTEL BED INSPECTOR INSURES HER BOTTOM.Hotel worker Natalie Thomas' bottom is so good at detecting lumps in beds she is having her prize asset insured for £4million.

The 39-year-old from Luton, Bedfordshire, tests about 24 guest beds a day as ‘director of bed bouncing’ for budget hotel chain Premier Inn.

Natalie is tasked with testing how comfortable each of the chain's 46,000 beds is, spending around 20 minutes on each one. - The Metro (03/10/2011)

Way to go Mrs Ormiston.

100-YEAR OLD REQUESTS A STRIPPER FOR HER BIRTHDAY. When Clare Ormiston’s relatives asked her what she wanted for her forthcoming 100th birthday, they weren’t prepared for her cheeky reply.

The centenarian-to-be wasn’t content with just a card from the Queen and some nice classical music – she wanted a male stripper instead. - The Mirror (05/10/2011)

Feats per Minute.

(Photograph courtesy of The Mirror Opinions)

"What's a record player player?" asked Niece #2 (22)

BFeats Per Minute (Fiets being Dutch for bicycle) is a bike and record player combined.

The innovative Dutch design was unveiled at the Dezeen event at the London Design Festival.

Find out more at www.featsperminute.com. - The Guardian (11/10/2011)

Is it a bird or is it a plane OR is it a UFO? You decide.

PROOF THAT UFO'S EXIST OR A SEAGULL HAVING A POO? Surely even the most excitable UFO enthusiast would have realised what this flying object was, but this 'mysterious' seaside snap has just been unveiled at a conference hosted by The Cornwall UFO Research Group.

Dave Gillham, who founded the group in 1995, said of the picture, taken on August 1 from Black Head at Trenarren: 'There appear to be two trails of water beneath the object which look as though they are falling from it in to the sea

'It could be the object has just emerged from the sea.'

But other observers have a more prosaic explanation - it’s a seagull going to the loo. - Hayden Smith, The Metro (10/10/2011)

Aah, taking a bus ..... the only way I'd ever finish a marathon. Not that I'm condoning cheating but you have to admit this is funny .... or is it just me who thinks so?

MARATHON RUNNER ADMITS HE CAUGHT A BUS. A marathon runner has been stripped of his medal after catching a bus to the finish line.

Rob Sloan claimed third place in the Kielder Marathon after completing the 26.2 mile course in an impressive time of 2:51:00.

But suspicions were raised by fellow runners bemused that they had not seen Sloan pass them during Sunday’s race.

After initially denying any wrongdoing, Sloan admitted to hopping onto a bus at the 20-mile mark because he was feeling tired. He then re-emerged from a wooded area of the course and picked up the bronze medal. - Anita Singh, The Telegraph (12/10/2011)

Nothing quite as scary as an old, arthritic dog.

POSTIES SCARED OF OLD, ARTHRITIC DOG. Royal Mail threatened to stop delivering letters to a pensioner because the postmen are scared of her dog – who is 15, deaf and crippled with arthritis.

Ann Ryan,72, believes she was targeted by Royal Mail because her harmless pal Bobby (wait for it) barked at a postman. - Paul Byrne, The Mirror (13/10/2011)

Mince pies that smell of Christmas trees?

CELEBRITY CHEF'S LATEST CREATION. Last year he caused chaos at the checkout when his Christmas puddings containing a whole candied orange sold out in weeks. Now Heston Blumenthal, the celebrity chef, is aiming to replicate the pudding’s success with a mince pie that smells of Christmas trees.

The chef, who is famous for mixing science with cooking, has invented a puff pastry mince pie that releases the scent of pine when it is heated up and sprinkled with a special sugar.

 As well as smelling of Christmas trees, the pies contain apple puree, lemon curd and rose water in additional to the traditional mincemeat. - James Hall, The Telegraph (13/10/2011)

Looser, note how the man is not identified in order to save his flushes blushes.

Being trapped in a toilet seat sent a drunken man around the u-bend when he called on the fire brigade to help.

The 26-year-old had been playing a game with his drinking mates to find items that could fit over their heads when the idea backfired. (PW says please do not try this game at home)

He had the brainwave of putting a loo seat over his head, but decided to see how far it would go over his body.

But the fun turned into a nightmare when it became lodged around his torso. - Lisa Hutchinson, The Sunday Sun (16/10/2011)

PLEASE NOTE : Wherever possible I will endeavour to bring you the links to articles I have used in my Media Monday posts but this is not always possible.