THE UNADULTERATED CAT by TERRY PRATCHETT (Cartoons by GRAY JOLLIFFE).
The Real unadulterated cat is under threat of extinction as more and more of us settle for the boring, mass-produced, purr-fect pussycats that appear in adverts - the fluffy cats that wear bows and eat from gold-plated bowls marked Kitty. All is not lost, however, The Campaign for Real Cats sets out to change all that by helping us to recognise an authentic, unadulterated cat when we see one.
- Real cats never wear flea collars or appear on Christmas cards or chase anything with a bell on it.
- Cats with ears that look like they have been trimmed with pinking shear are Real cats.
- Real cats do eat quiche. And giblets. And butter. And anything else left on the side if they think they can get away with it. They can hear a fridge door opening two rooms away.
- Real cats don't need names. But they often get called them.
FIRST SENTENCE (Chapter 1: The Campaign for Real Cats):Far too many people these days have grown used to boring, mass-produced cats, which may bounce with health and nourishing vitamins but aren't a patch on the good old cats you used to get.
MEMORABLE MOMENT (Page 61): You take the pill in one hand and in the other you take a large kitchen towel with one angry head poking out of the end. With your third hand you prise open the tiny jaws, insert the pill, clamp the jaws shut and, with your fourth hand, tickle the throat until a small noise indicates that the pill has gone down.
KEEP IT OR NOT?: Oh yes.
Have you ever bought anyone a present knowing full well that it is as much of a gift for you as for the recipient? I'm afraid I have to hold my hands up to this one and admit that, yes, I bought this for Husband dearest knowing that I'd enjoy it just as much as he would.
A must read for anyone who has ever been owned by a cat, this had me knowingly nodding my head in agreement and, if not laughing out loud, giggling quietly to myself.
Full of wonderful antedotes with headings like 'Sort of Tabby Cats with a Bit of Ginger, But Sometimes In the Right Light You Could Swear There's a Hint of Siamese There', 'Real cats know what the bathroom is for', and 'The German Sheepcat' Terry Pratchett's observations are almost (but not quite) as funny as Gray Jolliffe's wonderful cartoons.
My only disappointment? At only 157 pages it isn't longer.