THIS COULD HAVE YOU IN 'STITCHES' OF LAUGHTER.

(10/03/2011)

THE TELEGRAPH

As bloggers I'm sure many of us dream about being the first person to blog about 'x', 'y' or 'z'. Meet Stephen Andreassen ........

THE FIRST PERSON TO BE JAILED FOR STALKING BY BLOG. A hospital administrator has made legal history as the first man to be jailed in Britain for using an Internet blog to stalk a woman.

Stephen Andreassen, 38, compiled up to 35 website blogs in which he insulted Rebecca Pattinson after she ended their month-long relationship.

We've had the mystery of the missing socks, seemingly eaten by washing machines, now it's the turn of ....... the 100 million mysterious keys.

THE AVERAGE BRITON HAS NINE KEYS on their key ring - and no idea what at least two of them are for, according to a study.

This suggests that there are more than 100 million 'mystery keys'/locked draws in the country, weighing more than 1,000 tons.

It's no laughing matter, we all know that 'an apple a day keeps the doctor away' and 'laughter is the best medicine' but did you know that it (laughter that is) can also heal wounds?

Researchers treating leg ulcers found that a good chuckle helped the wounds to heal. Professor Andrea Nelson said of the Leeds University-led study: "Low-dose ultrasound can make a difference to some medical conditions but not leg ulcers.

"The key to care with this group of patients is to stimulate blood flow.

"The best way to do that is with compression bandages and support stockings, coupled with advice on diet and exercise.

"But having a hearty chuckle can help too, because laughter gets the diaphragm moving and this plays a vital part in moving blood around the body."

The old saying 'sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never harm me' was brought to mind by this next article.

'PC NIPPLES' TAUGHT BOYS A LESSON ON NAME-CALLING. (Calling a woman police officer PC Nipples behind her back led to a) 90 minute 'restorative justice conference' with four police officers.

The group of 13-year-old lads were made to attend the session which usually involves victims of crime coming face to face with their perpetrators.  

In this instance the woman PC, a sergeant and two other officers met with the boys to make them aware of the consequences their behavior had on the victim.

The woman officer had visited Purbeck School in Wareham, Dorset, last month to talk to the boys about a playground scrap as her role as a school liaison officer.

It is understood she was called the names 'PC Nipples' and 'PC Ball Sack' while she was out of the room and was told of the remarks moments later.

DAILY EXPRESS.

As both child and woman I love(d) the singing mice on the 'magical, mechanical mouse-organ' (pictured above) in the animated series BAGPUSS  and as such was delighted to read that .......

MICE ARE SOPRANO SINGERS. Known for being as quiet as, well, mice, they really are soprano singers whose musical talent improve (with) many features including syllable patterns changing and became more complex as the animal grew older. 

(11/03/20011)

MAIL ONLINE.

KNIT YOUR OWN ROYAL WEDDING?  If you’re needled about not being invited to the royal wedding, don’t despair – for now you can knit yourself there.

Among the wealth of tea towels, printed plates and specially forged coins, this unusual souvenir kit has emerged, featuring knitting patterns for ten ‘characters’ from William and Kate’s nuptials.

These include the bride and groom, the Queen and Archbishop of Canterbury Rowan Williams. And, of course, the corgis. - Hannah Roberts.

THE TELEGRAPH.

And now, my favourite article ......

Something tells me this academic has way, way too much time on his hands.

MARMALADE SHOULD BE THIN-CUT AND SPREAD ON COLD TOAST according to an academic who has devoted his time and mental resources to finding how best to enjoy the breakfast preserve.

For a perfect crunch, the toast, always white, should be heated for one minute at 220oC (428F), then cooled for ten in a well ventilated room.

It must be spread with 7.1g (0.25oz) of lightly salted butter before 11.2g (0.4oz) of fine-cut marmalade is applied evenly.

Peel should be between 1.5mm and 4mm thick, ruling out some classic marmalades including many home-made varieties. - Harry Wallop.

And to end with, two doggy tails (sorry, tales) that put me in mind of GREYFRIARS BOBBY, the skye terrier who spent 14 years guarding the grave of his owner.

FALLEN SOLDIER AND HIS DOG COME HOME. Dog lovers brought their pets in tow as they lined the streets of Wootton Bassett yesterday to pay their respects to an Army dog handler and his Springer spaniel who died in Afghanistan.

Hundreds of mourners lined the main street through the Wiltshire town to honour Lance Corporal Liam Tasker, of the Royal Army Veterinary Corps, who was shot while on patrol in Helmand province, Afghanistan on March 1st.

The crowds were swelled by family pets and a dozen police and Prison Service dogs at the repatriation ceremony for the 26-year-old soldier, whose dog Theo died from a seizure three hours after his master was killed. - Nick Collins.

An animal lover has won the right to be buried alongside his two dogs in a pet cemetery.

Karl Bartoni, 62, began petitioning authorities to allow him to be buried at the Rossendale Pet Crematorium and Memorial Gardens in 1994. He has been earmarked a plot and had his own headstone installed next to his dogs' graves.

PLEASE NOTE - Wherever possible I Will endeavour to bring you the links to articles I have used in my Media Monday posts but this is not always possible.