... by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.
K is for Kiko the dog who chewed off his owners big toe. Jerry Douthett, a diabetic, had been harbouring a bone infection in the toe which Kiko sniffed out and, with the limited surgical skills at his disposal, dealt with.
L is for low-slung trousers. A judge has ruled that the fashion for wearing trousers so low that they show off underwear may be offensive, but it is not an offensive.
Reuben Franco, a judge in New York, said "The constitution still leaves some opportunity for people to be foolish if they so desire."
Julio Martinez had been given a summons for disorderly conduct by a police officer.
The officer said Martinez had "his pants (trousers) down below his buttocks exposing underwear (and) potentially showing his private parts." Will Kinniard, the Daily Telegraph.
M is for mafia. One of Italy's most wanted mafia godfathers has been arrested after police traced him to a mobile phone used by his wife and registered in the name of Winnie The Pooh.
A fugitive since 2003, Vittoria Pirozzi, remained in close contact with his wife but changed the SIM card in his phone every two weeks to avoid his location being traced.
His wife, however, was not so prudent, calling and texting her husband on a mobile phone which was registered under the alias of AA Milne's character. - Nick Squires, the Daily Telegraph.
N is for naked. A naked couple who clamoured to the top of a building sparked an emergency rescue after the woman fell through the roof.
O is for owl. A pensioner has been banned from taking his pet owls for a walk in case they attack somebody.
Over the past 10 years Russell Burt, 74, and known locally as The Owl man, has regularly walked around with one of his seven birds perched on his hand. he has a licence to display birds and collects money for a local wildlife charity.
Local councillors say Mr Burt can no longer take the birds along the street because they could be "spooked" by traffic and "run amok."