AN F TO J OF SILLY STORIES.

F is for fading. Police Officers in Greater Manchester have been ordered to stop washing their trousers so often to keep them from fading. Officers said the new dark blue uniforms were losing colour quickly and turning grey therefore they had been instructed to clean them less often to stop the colour running.

G is for gulls. Postmen are refusing to deliver mail in a road in Paignton, Devon, because of attacks ..... by groups of up to 20 seagulls. Local residents are attempting to protect themselves from the birds with umbrellas.

H is for hamburger. A spate of jaw injuries has been blamed on a trend for eating over-sized hamburgers. Professor Hsu Ming-Iun of the Yang-Ming University School of Dentistry said the problems only started when fast food restaurants began serving burgers more than 8cm high.

I is for ice-cream. Ice-cream it seems can trigger emotions linked to its origins or so says a survey which found:

Eating ice cream made in Cornwall with its waves of dairy creaminess creates a "Cornish state of mind" - relaxed, happy and stress free. Eating ice cream from Scotland with its sweet, milky taste conjures up feelings of indulgence.
American-style ice cream, which contains chunks or pieces, results in feeling "frenetic and busy"- a bit like a "modern teenager".
Italian gelato, with its swirls, creates feelings of sophistication and indulgence, and conjures up images of Naples as being "bright and interesting".

J is for jellied eels. A 2ft-thick sandwich filled with 17 British foods including jellied eels, Marmite, Cheshire cheese and Yorkshire pudding has been made by bakers.