THE SECRET LIFE OF A SLUMMY MUMMY by FIONA NEILL.
For Lucy Sweeney, motherhood isn't all astanga yoga and Cath Kidston prints. It's been years since the dirty laundry pile was less than a metre high, months since Lucy remembered to have sex with her husband, and a week since she last did the school run wearing pyjamas.
Motherhood, it seems, has more pitfalls than she might have expected. Caught between perfectionist Yummy Mummy No 1 and hypercompetitive Alpha Mum, Lucy is in danger of losing the parenting plot. And worst of all she's alarmingly distracted by Sexy Domesticated Dad. It's only a matter of time before the dirty laundry quite literally blows up in her face ....
.... From the outer back cover.
FIRST SENTENCE: I leave my contact lenses to soak overnight in a coffee cup and wake up in the morning to discover that Husband on a Short Fuse has drunk them in the night.
MEMORABLE MOMENT: "Once upon a time, middle-aged men blew their cover by calling trousers slacks and referring to all women under sixty as girls now all it takes is writing a text message in long hand."
I thought this would be a quick read, something I could easily delve into between hospital visits - wrong! I found myself reluctant to pick it up at all and could only manage to read a few pages at a time before becoming bored by it all.
With no real story as such and characters I failed to identify with, Slummy Mummy seemed more like a collection of memories put together as opposed to a novel.
Filled with stereotypical and predictable characters - yes, they were all there, the glamorous mother, the mother who takes her children to school wearing a coat over her pyjamas and the token, handsome father - the only one of any interest was Joe, a five year old who has a fixation with David Bowie's Major Tom, he comes out with some great things ......
(Told he is suffering from growing pains) "How do you know it isn't shrinking pains? Granny is smaller than she used to be. By the morning I will be so small you won't be able to see me any more" he said, his voice getting quieter and quieter. "And then I might get eaten by a dog on the way to school."
Riddled with urban myths (has anyone ever really put on yesterdays clothes only to discover, hours later, yesterdays underwear still in there, poking out the bottom of their trouser leg? I thought not) and cultural 'in jokes' that anyone outside of England would find difficult to understand and certainly wouldn't appreciate this is not a book I would personally recommend.
The Secret Life Of A Slummy Mummy came free with SHE magazine.