... by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.
A post in which I normally bring you the news in the week-end's papers but I couldn't resist including this article which featured in Thursday night's (Newcastle) Evening Chronicle.
A modern-day Romeo failed to win back (the fair hand of) his Juliet after a bungled romantic gesture landed him in court.
In a scene likened to the William Shakespeare classic, heartbroken Lee Kinson climbed up the drain-pipe (surely that should be stood under the balcony) to his former girlfriend's home in an attempt to win back her heart.
BUT as he leaned over to knock on Sarah Davison's bedroom window, the drain-pipe snapped and he fell into her neighbours garden.
(Obviously without a romantic bone in their bodies) the police arrested Kinson who was later fined for criminal damage, with the district judge commenting that rather than a scene from Romeo And Juliet this was more like a scene from Mr Bean (pictured above).
Then in Friday night's Daily Telegraph were these two articles.
Forget all those anti-aging creams, face lifts, botox injections etc - the answer to aging it seems is a ground-floor flat or bungalow.
Proving one of EINSTEINS THEORIES OF RELATIVITY, researchers found that the further away from the Earth you are, the faster time passes. This means, though the differences are minuscule, you will age quicker if you live in a top-floor flat than a bungalow. - Richard Alleyne (click HERE for full article.)
I know they say that if one is ever confronted by a shark you should smack it on it's nose but what about a bear? Well, if it was Paddington, that marmalade loving bear, I suppose one could always offer a sandwich but otherwise I'm not too sure, however ........
(This) woman fended off a bear attack with a courgette.
The 200lb black bear attacked one of the woman's dogs on the porch of her home (and she) reached for the nearest object to hand - a courgette she had harvested from her garden.
The woman threw the courgette at the bear which fled.
With more and more parents having to work and childcare places often expensive, it is falling more and more to relatives to fill the gap. Enough is enough!
A call has gone out for grandparents around Spain to down tools this Wednesday and go on strike. - Giles Tremlett, the Guardian. (click HERE for full story.)
And so onto Saturday's papers with these two articles from the Daily Telegraph.
(Talk about singing for one's supper) The world's leading karaoke singers have flown to Russia to compete for a top prize of ........... one million Siberian dumplings.
Police send police search and rescue helicopter AND five cars to look for lost police dog.
A spokesman for North Wales police said 'A training exercise took place involving the dog section. On the same day an off-duty police dog, that was not involved or played any part in the exercise, got away from it's handler and was missing for around about 20 minutes.'