30 Jul 2010


+ A goldfish hotel has opened in Schiphol airport, Amsterdam, for holidaymakers worried about what to do with their pets while they're away. The fish have a tennis court and a swimming pool.

- Hmm sounds a bit fishy to me (pun intended), someones idea of a joke? No, there it is IN WRITING.

Perhaps not so 'barking mad' .......

+ A dog hotel with an artificial beach in Berlin has proved such a success that two more branches are to open. Each dog has a private air-conditioned booth, a sun lounger and access to the theatre, cinema (to see the movie Reservoir Dogs perhaps), exhibitions and classical music (Bach, I presume.)

+ Forget ants in your pants. German animal smuggler Hans Kurt Kubus, 58, was jailed for 14 weeks after boarding a plane in New Zealand with 44 lizards, worth £200 each, stuffed down his trousers.

+ Faced with the threat of not being able to keep his pet lion, a 35-year-old man in Poland registered his house as a circus so he could legally house his four-legged friend.

+ A couple of birdwatchers spent days looking at owls - only to discover they were plastic fakes. Ken and Fay Jackson, from Devon, were left red-faced after taking photographs and even contacting a local wildlife expert for advice on the birds.

+ Performing Shakespeare to cows helps them produce more milk.
Renditions of the Bard's prose were found to relax dairy herds and boosted production by as much as four per cent.
Researchers have previously claimed that cows produced more milk when they HERD slow MOOsic which is thought to alleviate stress.
In the latest Bizarre experiment, a theatre company set out to see whether the same principle would apply with drama.

Obviously cultured creatures. How about these Shakespearean plays?
  • The Taming Of The Moo.
  • The Winters Pail.
  • The Milkman Of Venice.
  • As Moo Like It.
  • The Dairy Wives Of Windsor. *
And if that doesn't work, how about .....

+  A car wash for cattle? The industrial-sized device features a swinging car brush roller similar to those used to clean cars. The loofah-style brush is fixed inside a milking parlour or barn - the brushing motion, it is claimed, increases blood circulation and improveds milk yield. (VIEW PICTURE)

+ UnBEElievable. 16-year-old Nellie Odam-Wilson (pictured BEElow) is raising money for a charity trip to Africa by keeping the art of 'bee beards' alive.

* Please don't blame me for these suggestions, they are the thoughts of Telegraph columnist, Andrew Hough. Can you come up with anything better, Shakespeare or otherwise?

And to finish, how about this cow joke?

A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear. The farmer didn't think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It went in one ear and out the udder.


Arti said...

I'd better skip milk today :D
Was missing your fantastic jokes for quite sometime now!
Thanks :)

Boonsong said...

"in one ear and out the udder" - Boom! Boom!!!
Smashing post. Very amusing. Thanks.

All the best, Boonsong

awitchtrying said...

How bizzare! Did those bird watchers just think those owls were VERY still, for days? Who ever thought to open a hotel for fish? What a weird way to make money!

Karen said...

Hey Petty! We are doing a BEtter Know A Blogger post throughout next month for URC - I;d love to spotlight you but don;t see your email anywhere...contact me if you're interested. fwiw(dot)kea(at)gmail(dot)com

Dorte H said...

Have I told you how much I enjoy your tit for teat?

Anonymous said...

And I thought Hotel for Dogs was a silly idea...I am opening a goldish hotel now!

GMR said...

Loving the dog hotel, I mean my pets would DEFINITELY love that, but the fish one? Seriously? O_o

Kelly said...

Loved the cow puns and joke....once I was able to get beyond the thought of all those lizards down the trousers!!

chitra said...

I felt so good reading the snippets and jokes.
The Bee thing is scary.I run when I see any flying bugs or bees

Alexia561 said...

Too funny! And now I can't get the thought of goldfish playing tennis out of my head! *L*

Oddyoddyo13 said...

What the heck are goldfish going to do with a tennis court??

themethatisme said...

Avoid the net?

Jenners said...

I'm hung up on the goldfish thing. Do they all swim together or do they have their own rooms so you know you get your own pet back? And does anyone really care about a goldfish that much to get it a room at a special hotel?