WITH THIS TAT WE THEE REMEMBER.

WILLS AND KATE.

Over the last few weeks I've brought you all manner of royal wedding memorabilia from condoms to sick bags to mugs featuring the image of the wrong prince. Today being the day I thought I'd post some more of the tacky wonderful souvenirs on offer.

For him and for her - PRINCE AND PRINCESS FRAGRANCES.

Sick of your Barbie doll, outgrown Sindy? How about ..........

A KATE MIDDLETON DOLL? The grinning figure, complete with glossy mane of brown hair and distinctive fascinator headwear just like Kate’s, has gone on sale at Hamleys, the London toy store.

In need of a cuppa?

KATEA TEA BAGS featuring pictures of Prince William and Kate Middleton. The pairs 'arms' hang over the edge of the cup.

And just the thing to dip in your tea .......

A BISCUIT TIN complete with 16 handmade biscuits.

Fancy something stronger? How about ......

KISS ME KATE BEER? A pale beer, elegant, tasteful and British to the core.

OR ..........

ROYAL VIRILITY PERFORMANCE BEER - The limited-edition beverage has been rustled up using 'various well-known aphrodisiacs', according to its manufacturer.

Now for something to read .......

THE GRAPHIC NOVEL. 

Or how about ......... 

WILL AND KATE'S BIG FAT GYPSY WEDDING. Kate takes Princesses Bea and Eugenie on a sequin-studded hen do, check out Prince Philip's tattoos and read abot Harry's love of bare-knuckle boxing - The Book People,

Too intelluctual?

You could always try the WILLIAM AND KATE DRESS-UP DOLLY BOOK.

OR ..........

My favourite ............

Somewhere to keep that Kiss Me Kate beer cool ....

THE PRINCE WILLIAM/KATE MIDDLETON FRIDGE.

PLANES, CARAVANS AND AUTOMOBILES.

Passenger Ginger McGuire, 38, is suing United Airlines for false imprisonment - for not noticing she was asleep. After napping on a United Express from Washington DC to Philadelphia, the plane was locked up with her still on board. Cleaners discovered her hours later.

A thief who stole a caravan in Blair Athol, Adelaide, Australia, didn't notice an elderly couple were still inside. He abandoned the vehicle after crashing it, but made off with the owner's digital camera.

A couple treated the wife's mum to a day trip to France - but forgot they'd left her in the UK port car park. They only realised on the ferry and had to call police to wait with her while they returned.

A BEAUTIFUL PLACE TO DIE.

A BEAUTIFUL PLACE TO DIE by MALLA NUNN. 

In 1950s South Africa the colour of a killer's skin matters more than justice ....

In the tiny 'deep country' town of Jacob's Rest, Detective Emmanuel Cooper is sent to investigate the vicious murder of an Afrikanner police officer, Captain Willem Pretorius.

Cooper, an 'English' South African, is viewed with suspicion by both the Boer Afrikaners and the dead man's prominent family, and his investigation is quickly taken over by the police security branch, who are eager to pin the blame on black supposed political agitators.

But Cooper isn't interested in political expediency, or in making friends with the hardliners in Pretoria. As he pursues his own line of enquiry, he discovers that Captain Pretorius, a man whose relationship with his community were complicated, and more human, than his true Volk wife and sons can ever imagine, led a secret double life.

The more Cooper digs, the more dangerous the investigation becomes. For Cooper is a man with his own secrets, and learning the truth about Captain Pretorius just might save his own life ...... if he isn't killed first.
........ Inner front cover.

FIRST SENTENCE (Chapter 1): Detective Sergeant Emmanuel Cooper switched off the engine and looked out through the dirty windscreen.

MEMORABLE MOMENT (Page 151): Every colour from fresh milk to burnt sugar was on show. There was enough direct evidence in the churchyard to refute that blood mixing was unnatural. Plenty of people managed to do it just fine.

KEEP IT OR NOT?: A reading group book, I shall return this for other readers to read and discuss.

A debut novel that I both enjoyed reading and learnt a lot from - I will certainly be looking out for further books by this author.

A real page-turner - the crime/thriller aspect to the story was interesting enough but, for me, it was the insight into 1950s South Africa that was so fascinating.

Well researched, A Beautiful Place To Die tells the story of a country segregated not only into 'whites' and 'blacks' but also into 'coloureds' as well - throw a Jewish character into the racial stew and you have a compelling if somewhat disturbing look at a country where, and I quote .....

"The new segregation laws divided people into race groups, told them where they could live and told them where they could work. The Immorality Act went so far as to tell people who they could sleep with and love."

Not only a good plot, there is a real mix of wonderfully observed characters who, though not always pleasant, are always human and make for great reading. My only 'complaint'? I would love to know more about the previous lives of 'English' South African Detective Emmanuel Cooper and Jewish doctor (?) Daniel Zweigman and hope the author explores at least Cooper in greater depth in her second book LET THE DEAD LIE.

The 38th book read in my 100+ Reading Challenge.

THE FINAL TESTAMENT OF THE HOLY BIBLE.

THE FINAL TESTAMENT OF THE HOLY BIBLE

- James Frey 2011 James Murray Pub.

A review by Husband dearest.

As mentioned in my previous review, Lent is a time for looking at passion stories and having re-read Biff, I entered upon my read of Freys anticipated and much hyped novel. It is not often that I will write a review immediately upon finishing a book, or seeing a film but I have with this one simply because I do find myself strangely conflicted by it. I am more likely to spend some time contemplating the pattern; purpose, intents, motivations inherent, or even just trying to fathom what on earth it was all about, the latter being the case in point. I have not read either of his previous novels, nor had his media circus previously come to my attention and so was unaware of the self aggrandising ‘rebel without a cause’ persona, until the copy arrived and the books own blurb paralleled himself with statements not undeserving of the Christ. Perhaps Frey is looking for us to develop a faith in his own prognostication simply because he feels abused but then faith is a tricky thing, as his fictitious messiah (Ben) himself teaches.

"Faith is what you use to oppress, to justify, to judge in the name of God . . . a means to rationalize more evil in this world than anything in history. If there were a devil, faith would be his greatest invention."

Yawn… so this is the groundbreaking challenge of Freys book is it? Well it’s not new, and there is nothing substantive in this book to challenge any serious theological thought whatsoever. More likely an egotistical publicists wet dream for moneymaking on the back of taking pot shots at the tenets of the fundamentalist extremes of the Christian faith, the ultra-orthodox Jewish community but not quite brave enough to have a go at Islam, well not directly anyway. Freys presentation of the society into which his Christ avatar is born is an amalgum of visionary apocalyptic prophecy, Marxist interpretation of religion and neo-marxist discussion on the nature of state institutions a la Oppenheimer and a little side swipe at the atheist secular extreme.

“...too many people wanted their God to be the only God, their system to be the only system…instead of believing in a super natural God , they pretended to believe in Gods called, social justice, equality and freedom, but their real goals were no different than the religious people, that all they were truly interested in were money, and power, and control.”

Well that’s the human condition dealt with. Except that Frey displays some delight in extolling the abuse that human beings are capable of and the degradation of humanity through all of the usual suspects of intolerance, rape, child abuse, religious zealotry, free market capitalism, drugs, you name it, it’s all in there, all in the lives of the principal characters. We’re all a bunch of vicious self-seeking bastards and there is no point trying to pretend that we can be otherwise so we may as all just spend our lives having sex.

And, does he believe in sex? Well shall we just say it features quite prominently in the ministry of this erstwhile messiah? His response to the degradation of humanity, which he witnesses and experiences, is to advise people to copulate freely and frequently. Living by example of course there is virtually no one in the book who escapes un-shagged. There are delicate nods to the parable, the healings and other miraculous events in the gospel but Frey takes a viscid delight in reversing the absence of a sexual gospel Jesus, to the extent that the story could well be sub-titled The Second Cumming, and probably will be when the film rights are taken up. Men, women, transvestites, the transgendered, black, white and all shades in between in a truly egalitarian approach, and quite the unversalist; teaching all to behave likewise as orgasm is the closest we can be to God. If this is simply an attempt to ridicule and highlight the churches own preoccupation with sex and sexuality then Frey could well learn that there are more subtle and pointed ways of doing so. Not all Christians are upset by the idea that God may not be disapproving of same sex relationships. The few who do escape the cure are perhaps indicative that this bad-boy of literature still has some lines that he is not prepared to cross. His mother and sister are blessed with nothing more than a gentle caress as is the prostitutes’ child, but although the catholic priest shows willing with an embarrassing involuntary tumescence, that’s as far as it goes. The stated equation of love = sex is obliterated by Ben and his disciples use of the f-word. As noun, adjective and verb, its frequency in this book betrayed by its repetition not only in reference to the sexual act but as descriptor for the general state of the world and the physically beaten beings who are, ‘f***** up’ and then ‘f*****’ by Ben to make them feel all better. Yes, if you are not fan of the expletive then you will find this a difficult book. Theologically I can express many of the sentiments that Frey does. The frustrations of power and powerlessness would have been a theme worthy of exploring rather than simply refusing to acknowledge the presence of either in advocacy of a nihilistic, apathy and opt out. Nietzsche’s madman in the marketplace bears a greater resemblance to Christ than Ben.

Ben’s life experiences do much to mirror the gospel Jesus and there are many passages and turns of story which the gospel familiar will recognise as allegory or just plain lifted from the bible. ‘It is finished’, he proclaims, although not hanging on a cross but lying on a surgeons table. Even then he is not dead at the end of the surgery so it’s…er…well not quite finished, there is no burial and we rapidly move to a sort of ascension, or perhaps it was a descent? Who knows or cares? I know I don’t. The characters are redolent of biblical principals or grotesques of the present day types that Frey seems to keen to upset, one dimensional reprehensive straw men for Frey to chuck rocks at. Typeset to appear as bible passages, each chapter recounts the story from the perspective of the main characters, in a not quite, prose poem, some characters being permitted a second or third chapter.

I think that ultimately I am conflicted about this book because I was genuinely hoping to be shocked or even just a little offended. In the end the only offence I feel I have suffered is that I am disappointed not to have been. Like Peter Conrad I am not moved, not enraged nor in thrall as Freys publicist claim I will be, There is nothing of consequence in this book, nothing that I couldn’t express and agree with theologically, nothing that I could learn from Freys Christ that I could not practice myself, but I’m not convinced that the next time someone discloses their experience of abuse as a child to me, that I should have sex with them as a means of ameliorating their pain. I very rarely recommend to people that they absorb the contents of the Guardians Digested Read column, but this is one instance when I will do so gladly, it is an holy accurate representation of this misrepresentation and will save you a few hours.


The Digested Read – Guardian.co.uk
Peter Conrad – The Observer Review

PS I fully intend to read this novel and hope to bring you my thoughts on it soon, PW.

FROM EXTREME IRONING TO CRAZY CATS.

Not a 'sport' I'll be participating in any time soon ........

LATEST INSTANCE OF ......... EXTREME IRONING. Extreme Ironing hit the headlines this week after a man was spotted pressing his shirts on the closed section of the M1 motorway. - Sam Foster, The Guardian (20/04/2011)

Even more extreme?

DRUNKEN MAN TRIES TO KILL SPIDER WITH A MAKESHIFT FLAMETHROWER. A DRUNKEN man accidentally set fire to his partner's front door while trying to kill a large spider with a makeshift flamethrower, a court heard.

Tony Kendrick spotted the creature when he went downstairs to get a glass of water after going to bed feeling ill.

Wearing only boxer shorts, Kendrick, who is afraid of spiders, decided to get rid of it by spraying it with deodorant.

This had no effect, so he sprayed the deodorant through a flame from his lighter, – and set fire to the door. - Nottingham Post (20/04/2011)

I know which cheese I'd choose.

Justin Tunstall has produced two royal cheddars to mark the event, one called “Congratulations Wills and Kate”, the other christened “Sod the Wedding – It’s a Day Off”. The latter is selling eight times faster in his shop in Lyme Regis, Dorset. - The Telegraph (21/04/2011)

So ugly it's cute.

YOU'VE BEEN FRAMED! MARINE PREDATOR CAUGHT ON CAMERA. If he blinks, you'll likely miss him, but fortunately for one marine photographer this predator of the deep couldn't resist the lure of the photographer's lens.

Marine photographer Matt Oldfield was diving off the coast of the volcanic island of Sengeang in Indonesia when he spotted this Whitemargin Stargazer on the ocean floor. - Daily Mail (21/04/2011)

You remember me telling you about Larry, Downing Street's cat, and how his 'job' as resident mouse-catcher was in jeopardy? Well, good news - at least for Larry if not the mouse ......

LARRY CATCHES HIS FIRST MOUSE. He took his time but at last Larry the Downing Street cat has earned his money – and caught a mouse.

Larry was recruited to No 10 in February in an effort to deal with its rodent problem.

And while the four-year-old tabby rapidly won the affections of David and Samantha Cameron – and particularly their children – he appeared to lack the killer instinct.

Week after week went by with no sign of any dead rats, mice or indeed anything, birds included.

However, all that changed on Friday when Larry was seen climbing in through a window from the Downing Street garden with a .......... (I'll spare you the somewhat gory details, click on article link for more information) - Simon Walters, Mailonline (24/04/2011)

And finally, how could I have missed this one? Reported in the news last month, this may be familiar to our US blogger buddies, but I couldn't resist including it.



PLEASE NOTE: Wherever possible I Will endeavour to bring you the links to articles I have used in my Media Monday posts but this is not always possible.

OSCHTER HAWS AKA THE EASTER BUNNY.

Like many other people I know that the 'Easter' egg almost certainly has its origins in the Spring festival, the word Easter it is thought being derived from the pagan fertility goddess, Eostre/Oestre.

Quite when and where the decorated Easter egg came into being is less clear though it is known that many ancient civilisations such as the Chinese, Egyptians and Romans decorated them at Spring time.

As for the chocolate Easter egg, a fairly modern invention, it is believed this tradition began in the 19th century and became more popular as the actual process of chocolate making became more sophisticated.

But what about that other Easter favourite ....... the Easter Bunny?

Surprise, surprise, this also has its origins in pre-christian times when both the hare and the rabbit were  revered as the most fertile of animals and as such were symbols on new life during Spring.

However, the modern-day Easter Bunny seems to have its origins in Germany where it was first written about in the 1500s though it wasn't until the late 1800s that the first edible Easter bunny, made of pastry and sugar, were made.

Introduced to American folklore by German settlers who arrived in Pennsylvania during the 1700s, the arrival of the Oschter Haws brought almost as much joy as a visit from the Christ-Kindel on Christmas eve, the children believing that if they were good the Oschter Haws would lay a nest of coloured eggs.

click HERE for a very silly yet great fun virtual Easter egg hunt.

The thought of a bunny delivering eggs not strange enough, how about these other customs?

• In medieval times Easter-egg throwing was a popular pastime - the priest would throw a hard-boiled egg to the choirboys, they would throw it around, and the one left holding it as the clock struck 12 would get to keep it.
• The men of the Czech Republic, Hungary and Slovakia, give their women a spanking on Easter Monday to keep them healthy for the year.
• The "Trionfo della Morte" (Triumph of Death) is a bizarre Easter spectacle which attracts numerous tourists to Prizzi (Sicily). Two red devils in steel masks and 'Death' dressed in yellow and wearing a leather mask frighten the population, kidnap prisoners and lock them in bars. Then it gets a bit more pleasant: the prisoners can pay for their release and enjoy cannatedi, traditional Easter pastries.
• In Finland, children dress up and go begging in the streets with sooty faces, carrying broomsticks. In some parts of Western Finland they even burn bonfires on Easter Sunday. This tradition takes place to ward off witches flying around between Good Friday and Easter Sunday.
• In Germany the tradition is to create an Easter fire out of used Christmas trees from the winter. The fire is seen as a symbol of the victory for the beautiful and sunny spring over the cold days of winter

Don't celebrate Easter? Today the USA also celebrates ..........

NATIONAL PIGS IN A BLANKET DAY.

40+ AND UNHAPPY?

They say that life begins at forty which I suppose makes me three-years-old. Not so, there is no getting away from the fact that I'm 43 and therefore, according to a survey carried out in Belgium, unhappy - let me explain .......

HAPPINESS FOLLOWS A U-SHAPED CURVE during a person's lifetime and middle-aged people are the unhappiest.

Satisfaction with life starts to drop as early as a person's late 20s and does not begin to recover until well past 50, says Bert van Landeghem, an economist at Maastricht University in Belgium.

While young adults are carefree and full of hope for the future and the over–50s have come to terms with the trials of life, the research indicates that those in the middle feel weighed down by the demands on them. - Stephen Adams, The Telegraph (18/04/2011)

Hmm, so I'm unhappy am I?

I don't think so. Of course, I have worries that I didn't have as a younger woman but then again in lots of ways I'm far more confident and secure in myself then I ever was.

No, I don't think I'm less happy than I was -------- more grumpy, yes but unhappy? No.

What about you, when were you most happiest? Are you less happy now?

MILLIONS OF STARS AS SEEN BY THE LONE RANGER AND TONTO.

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert.

After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says,

'Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?'

'The Lone Ranger replies, 'I see millions of stars.'

What's that tell you?' asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says,

 'Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.

Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning.

Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What's it tell you, Tonto?'

'You dumber than buffalo shit. It means someone stole the tent.'

(Thanks to Ruth for this joke.)

ALONE IN BERLIN.

ALONE IN BERLIN by HANS FALLADA.

Yes, I know it's been a while since my last book review - Alone in Berlin is a long read (568 pages) and didn't exactly hold my attention, hence the 11 days it took me to read. Still better late than never, here is the .......

37th book read for the ....

Berlin, 1940, and the city is filled with fear.

In the house at 55 Jablonski Strasse, the various occupants are all trying to live under Nazi rule in their own different ways: the nervous Frau Rosenthal, the bullying Hitler-loyalists the Persickes, the retired Judge Fromm, and the unassuming working-class couple Otto and Anna Quangel. Then the Quangel's receive the devastating news that their beloved son has been killed fighting in France.

Shocked out of their quiet existence, the usually taciturn factory foreman Otto is provoked into an action that will endanger his life. With his wife's help, he begins to drop hundreds of anonymous postcards attacking Hitler in buildings all over the city. If Otto and Anna are caught, they will be executed for treason.

As the couple's silent campaign escalates, the cards come to the attention of the ambitious Gestapo inspector Escherich, and a deadly game of cat-and-mouse develops between them. When the petty criminals Kluge and Borkhausen also become involved, blackmail, deception, betrayal and murder ensue, gradually tightening the noose around the Quangel's necks.

........ From the inner front cover.

FIRST SENTENCE (Chapter 1): The postwoman Eva Kluge slowly climbs the steps of 55 Jablonski Strasse.

MEMORABLE MOMENT (Page 186): The receptionist comes in, and she has plenty to say. She describes the creep - her term - with a venom that seems out of proportion to the crime of two harmless smoking episodes in the toilet.

KEEP IT OR NOT?: This will be returned to the readers group. I have no plans to buy a copy.

Written in 1947 and only recently translated into English I Read Alone In Berlin (Jeder stirbt für sich allein in Germany, Every Man Dies Alone in the US) for of my reading groups though I had in fact considered buying a copy as it sounded just like my kind of read.

A tale of breathtaking suspense, self-discovery, helplessness and hope, there were several elements to this book that I found totally fascinating, its just that I found it too long and peopled by too many characters.

Based on the real-life exploits of Elsie and Otto Hampel, this is without doubt an engrossing novel of wartime Germany - the sense of suspicion and paranoia amongst people both palatable and claustrophobic.

I loved the main characters, Otto and Anna, who were really well written and totally believable - the fact that they were such well-rounded characters I found particularly enjoyable, and, seeing so many sides to Otto's nature, nothing short of riveting. However I would question the need to go into the in-depth stories of so many other characters as I'm really not too sure this added to the story as opposed to making it unnecessarily long and, at times, quite daunting.

Not so likable or indeed believable were the police/gestapo who I to be almost laughable cartoon-like caricatures - Inspector Escherich reminding me of the bumbling Inspector Clouseau of The Pink Panther fame.

NO LOVE LIKE TRACTOR LOVE.

The road to happiness?

ACTION FOR HAPPINESS LAUNCHES WITH FREE HUGS. As drivers angrily beeped their horns and cyclists weaved impatiently through London's traffic, Amandeep Hothi stood cheerily on the pavement holding aloft a sign offering, in pink letters, "Free Hugs".

Hothi is part of a new group called Action for Happiness, whose members aim to boost the net amount of joy in the world by being kind to others and countering "an epidemic of loneliness and isolation".

The movement was launched yesterday at Jerwood Hall in the City of London, where the movement's co-founder told attendees – who wore badges with slogans such as "Love more!" and "I'm up for more happiness!" - Alexandra Toping, The Guardian (12/04/2011) But what action can we take towards greater happiness? Click HERE for the 10 secrets to a happy life.

I know they say children are committing crimes at an earlier age but this is just ridiculous.

UNBORN BABY GETS ASBO. Charlotte Childs was stunned to receive a letter from police threatening an ASBO – for her unborn child. 

Charlotte, who is 36 weeks’ pregnant, said: “The letter said there had been an incident of anti-social behaviour and our child was identified.

“I would love to know how a 36-week-old foetus has managed to go to the park and cause trouble without me noticing. - The Mirror (13/04/2011)

Who said romance was dead?

SWANS LOVE AFFIAIR WITH A TRACTOR. They say that opposites attract. But can a bird ever find love with a piece of agricultural machinery? Ja, says a German hotelier, who claims that a swan is besotted with his tractor.

The eight-year-old mute swan, known as Schwani (Swanny), has allegedly become so obsessed with the 39hp vehicle that every time the engine starts up, he waddles over to say hello. - Helen Pidd, The Guardian (13/04/2011)

There's destitute and then there's not so destitute.

TYCOON GIVES £200,000 TO FRIEND'S ESTRANGED DESTITUTE WIFE. Tycoon Sir Philip Green gave £200,000 to Michelle Young who is at the centre of a multi-million-pound divorce battle because she was ‘destitute’, a court heard yesterday.

The Topshop boss’s payment to Michelle Young was part of £1.1million given to her by wealthy friends of her estranged husband, Scot Young, to help ‘get her back on her feet,’ it was alleged. - Tom Kelly, The Mail (13/04/2011)

Whoops!

POSTER FOR THE WALKING DEAD PLACED ON FUNERAL PARLOUR WALL. An advertising firm has apologised for placing a billboard for a TV show called The Walking Dead on the side of a funeral parlour.

The unintended, "unfortunate juxtaposition" caused raised eyebrows in Consett, County Durham.

The roadside advert for the Channel 5 post-apocalyptic drama has since been removed from the exterior wall of the Co-operative Funeralcare premises. - BBC News (13/04/2011)

If only I'd read this before.

NIGHT BRA THAT PREVENTS WRINKLES.  TV and radio presenter Mariella Frostrup recently told that the secret to maintaining her enviable figure was wearing a bra while she slept.

Now a bra has been specifically designed to be worn at night, to keep breasts lifted and separated while the wearer sleeps.

Called LA DECOLLETTE (pictured above), the bra's inventor said it worked for her by preventing wrinkles developing and her breasts from sagging. - The Telegraph (16/04/2011)

In need of a break, I don't want to stay in a hotel, I don't want to hire a chocolate-box-lid cottage. No, I want to hire a country. That's right .........

LIECHTENSTEIN FOR HIRE AT £43,000 PER NIGHT. Take corporate hospitality to a new level by hiring an entire country, albeit a small one.

The principality of Liechtenstein has decided to make itself  available to private clients, from £43,000 ($70,000) a night, complete with customised street signs and temporary currency.

AND HUSBAND DEAREST'S CHOICE .........

MARRIED COUPLES TAKE TURNS ....... (to wash up/put the bins out) to win arguments while unmarried coupes do not, research has found.

Rather than always battling it out, married couples tend to back down after they have won the previous argument. Stephen Adams, The Telegraph (18/04/2011)

PLEASE NOTE: Wherever possible I Will endeavour to bring you the links to articles I have used in my Media Monday posts but this is not always possible.

CELEBRATE .............

Yes, today sees the second blogoversary of Pen and Paper so pull on your party hats and help me blow out the candles.

And whilst doing so how about joining me in wishing our nephew, who is 18 today, a very happy birthday.

PS. Today's Monday Media post is postponed until tomorrow.

I'M A GROWN-UP? WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?

"When I was a child I spoke as a child I understood as a child I thought as a child; but when I became a man I put away childish things."

 I Cor. xiii. 11.

Many thanks to Jenners for a post that was both funny, bemusing and kind of depressing (but in a nostalgic kind of way) all at the same time.

Yes, I'm talking about her GROWN-UP MOMENTS post in which she chronicles the moments in which she realised the time had come to put away childish things - yeah, right!!!!!! - and become an adult. Times like when she ........

• ate cookies and ice cream for dinner … and no one stopped her.
•  realized she could set her own bedtime.
• smiled to herself at the antics of younger folks—in exactly the same way that used to annoy her when she was one of the younger folks.

 Sound familiar?

I thought so.

So here's my list of the moments that made me realise I was (gulp) a grown-up.

• When I realised that pulling a 'pet-lip' and stamping my feet didn't look cute any more and certainly didn't get me what I wanted.
• When people began to look at me strangely if I had chocolate/ice-cream smeared all across my face.
• When I realised I could sleep without Snowball, my beloved stuffed toy rabbit.
• When my shoes no longer had to have velcro, buckles OR even laces.
• When the cute puppy/kitten posters on my wall were replaced with Leif Garet posters.
• When I stopped getting the lecture about men with dogs/sweets who were around every corner waiting for little girls like me AND began to get the lecture about boys who were hanging around street corners waiting for a not so little girl like me.
• When the candles on my birthday cake became a serious fire hazard.
• When I began to see the appeal (namely firemen) of my cake candles setting fire to the house.
• When I realised I was old enough to go on an 18 To 30 Holiday.
• When I became a Mrs.

Still, its not all bad ......

When it comes to the big stuff, grown-up, ok then, middle-aged brains outperform the rest.

In her book, THE SECRET LIFE OF THE GROWN UP BRAIN, Barbara Strauch argues that 

 on a range of cognitive skills, the middle-aged brain (roughly aged 40-68) outperforms all other age groups. There are a few tricks we lose – for example, retrieval of information such as names and a slight slowing down – but that is more than compensated by the huge gains in many of the most important forms of brain performance.

The middle-aged brain has developed "powerful systems that cut through the intricacies of complex problems to find concrete answers. It more calmly manages emotions and information. It is more nimble, more flexible, even cheerier." On four of six key mental abilities, the peak comes in mid-life. It can size up situations better, draw the connections and see the wider context; this enables better judgment. It appreciates subtlety and ambivalence. In research on wisdom – what it is and who has it – one study concluded it peaks at about 65 after a sustained accumulation through mid-life. - Madeleine Bunting, The Guardian (11/04/2011) READ FULL ARTICLE.

THE MAGIC NUMBER THREE.

You know how it is - you break one cup, then another and another, one light bulb blows, then a second and then a third.Yes, all these things seem to happen in threes.

Not the worlds mot superstitious of people - apart from never putting an umbrella up in the house OR walking under a ladder OR putting my shoes on the table (oh that's one of Husband dearests) AND always throwing a pinch of spilt salt over my shoulder - it really does seem that things happen in threes and not just bad things either. But where and when did this belief start?

The answer honestly? I don't know and, though I'm told its all to do with the fact that we have this idea that things happen in threes, so we look for patterns where there are none, I'm personally beginning to believe it may have something to do with the number three being a somewhat significant number.

I mean when you think about it there's the triangle which of course has three sides and is said to be one of the the most pleasing shapes to the human mind AND then there is the fact that the number three plays such a significant role in many cultures and religions ......

For example, in ............

• NORSE MYTHOLOGY: the three original beings,  Audhumla (the primordial cow), Ymir (the first giant), Búri (the first god as well as grandfather of Odin).
• CHRISTIANITY: the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.
• TAOIST:  the Great Triad (Heaven/Human/Earth).
• BUDDHISM: the 'Triple Gem' (the Buddha), the Dhamma (the teachings) and the Sangha (the community of followers).

But then again, as my nana would say, I could be BARKING UP THE WRONG TREE.

Anyway, I witter, recently three good things came my way via the blogosphere.

I won a signed copy of THE DEMISE OF THE SOCCER MOMS, a novel of psychological suspense by Cathryn Grant who can be found at her  SURBURBAN NOIR site. Click HERE to read Dorte's review.

But not just that I also received The Versatile Blogger award from BLEEDING HEALER.

AND ......

An Amazon.com voucher from BOOKQUOTER with which I intend to purchase ............

WICKED by Gregory Maguire

PRISM by Faye and Aliza Kellerman.

Many thanks again to Cathryn, Bleeding Healer and BookQuoter.

TODAYS MUST HAVE ITEMS - TOMORROWS LANDFILL SITE.

After SHAGGY DOG STORIES AND MORE, I could well be accused of going over old topics but I'm afraid I'm far from being finished in my rant against ....... you'll have to red the rest of the post to find out.

 I suppose it had to happen sooner rather than later - technology moves at such a pace these days that yesterday's 'must have' items soon becomes outdated. Just as the tape recorder was replaced by the CD player, the Walkman by the Ipod, the video by CD, the CD by Blue-ray, the Playstation by Playstation  #2 and #3 - and now the time has come for the Ebook ......

Yes, the days of the Ebook as a copy of the print version could be numbered,  the enhanced edition is here as publishers have begun experimenting with more ways of getting you to part with your cash ways to add more to Ebooks by the addition of videos and interactive graphics.

I know, I know, at heart I'm just an old technophobe. Goodness only knows how long it took me to master my Ipod, and as for the computer? I'm not even going to begin going there. Then there's my mobile phone which I admit people have been known to laugh at, why I don't know BUT it could have something to do with the fact that it is a phone and not a camera, not a video recorder, not a .......... oh, you get the idea.

Where was I? Oh yes, Ebooks .......

It's no big secret that I don't even like the idea of the Ebook, much preferring the look, the feel, the smell of the real thing. Mind you eventually I suppose they will come up with a sound effect that allows you to 'hear' the pages being turned, and, perhaps even 'smellovision' that releases the scent of not-yet-read books OR old, slightly musty books - the choice is yours.

Anyway, what I really wanted to ask is ........

When did books become so dull, so boring that we had to add all manner of sound effect, video and interactive graphics to them?

Whatever has happened to being able to escape in a good novel? To picture the sights, to hear the sounds, to smell the smells? Surely a good author should be able to capture all of this with the sweep of a pen click of a key.

 I rest my case ........

.......  Except to say that I think that this is a much better idea.

In her post, ARE LIBRARIES ON THE DEMISE?, Molly informs us that New York's Yale Law library has dogs to lend.

That’s right, explains Molly, harried law students can now, along with books about Torts and Statutes of Limitations, check out a dog.

A technophobe who thinks technology is kinda scary OR a gadget junkie who can't wait to get their hands on the latest in-thing? Do you like/dislike the idea of the enhanced Ebook and how about 'borrowing' a dog from the library, what thinks you?

MEET BEBE GLOTON - A TAD TOO REALISTIC?

Whilst some believe that children should not be encouraged towards playing with gender specific toys (dolls, prams etc for girls and toy cars and garages etc for boys) though I can never remember being encouraged, let alone forced, I, unlike my (naughty) little sister who always wanted a toy garage, loved my dollies.

I can remember adoring my Tiny Tears (Christine) who could not only cry but magically managed to wee as well - much to the disgust of my grandad who thought it all a bit too realistic.

Then, aged 15 (2 months short of my 16th birthday) I begged for one of those 'real life' baby dolls that were just starting to hit the shops. Called Melanie, she was all soft and floppy and, thanks to some chemical or another (I dread to think what) she even had that talc and vomit smell of a real baby - and I loved her.

Strange than that aged about 11/12 I knew I didn't want children whereas my (naughty) little sister went on to have two despite having delighted in snapping my Sindy doll in half and throwing several of my dolls out the window to see if they could fly - they didn't.

Anyway, back to my grandad and that all-too realistic Tiny Tears.

I knew just how he must have felt when I read heard about ............

BEBE GLOTON - The breastfeeding doll.

Introduced some time ago in Spain, I believe 'it'/'she'(?) was introduced in the US last month, and is due to hit the shops here in the UK next month, Baby Gloton (Greedy Baby) is the 'breastfeeding' toy produced mainly to promote the importance of breast-feeding and understandably parents here in the UK are furious - Click HERE to read a Mail Online article as to why or simply view the video clip below and be sure to let us know what you think.

HAVING A LOVELY TIME.

HAVING A LOVELY TIME by JENNY ECLAIR.

Meet the Dobsons and the Jamesons: two families on the verge of  nervous breakdown.

Joe Dobson left his wife and kids when is young girlfriend Nina discovered she was pregnant. Now he feels like a cliche and Nina feels like a drudge, swapping her wild nights out with friends for mild nights in wiping baby sick off the carpet. So when Joe announces that he's booked a luxury holiday in Italy, Nina is thrilled - until she realises Joe's kids Saul (11) and Tabitha (13) are coming along for the ride.

Guy Jamieson is sure this will be his last family holiday: he plans to leave his wife Alice and their two sons on his return. Guy is a high-powered advertising director, and Alice - with her elasticated skirts, inedible mince suppers and unshaven legs - just doesn't fit his image. But Alice, unaware of Guy's scheming, has a secret plan of her own: to have another baby.
........ Outer back cover.

FIRST SENTENCE (Chapter 1): Guy Jamieson is on his way home.

MEMORABLE MOMENT (Page 57): As for jigging up and down on the spot, there isn't a sports bra in the world that can make that a pleasurable experience.

KEEP IT OR NOT: Not.

Remember my reviewing SORTING OUT BILLY by Jo Brand earlier in the year? Well, like Jo, Jenny Eclair is a comedienne who has diversified into writing novels.


Having A Lovely Time was at times wickedly funny and had the potential to be a good read BUT for me it was spoilt by the use of crude (and at times really crude) language and an ending that I found both shocking and harrowing - not to go into great details but the concluding chapters included an act I found totally abhorrent and yet because it was committed by a woman (Alice), the victim being her drunken, semi-conscious husband (Guy), as opposed to the other way around there seemed to be the feeling that this was acceptable. What was the author thinking?

That aside, the characters, whilst being funny at times, were caricatures of the middle-aged man having a mid-life crisis, having affairs when ever the opportunity arose; of the young girl who finds herself pregnant by one of two men; of  the frumpy middle-aged wife who has 'let herself ago' - not particularly likable any of them, even the children, to varying degrees, were fairly disagreeable - it was really only Dieter and Peter, the two homosexual German men, who I really warmed to despite their being total stereotypes.

A Book Exchange read, this is the 36th book in my 100+ Reading Challenge.