BEST JOKE?

Comedian Nick Helm (above) has won an award for the best joke of the EDINBURGH FRINGE FESTIVAL. His joke?

"I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves."

My personal favourite? In at number 2 this joke by comedian Tim Vine .......

"Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels."

(To view the other 8 jokes click HERE).

THE LOLLIPOP SHOES.

An ex-library stock read, The Lollipop Shoes was the 63rd book read for my 100+ Reading Challenge.


THE LOLLIPOP SHOES (Known as The Girl With No Shadow in the USA) by JOANNE HARRIS.


Seeking refuge and anonymity in the cobbled streets of Montmartre, Yanne and her daughters, Rosette and Annie, live peacefully, if not happily, above their little chocolate shop. Nothing unusual marks them out; no red sachets hang by the door. The wind has stopped - at least for a while. Then into their lives blows Zozie de l'Alba, the lady with the lollipop shoes, and everything begins to change.....


But this new friendship is not what it seems. Ruthless, devious, and seductive, Zozie de l'Alba has plans of her own - plans that will shake their world to pieces. And with everything she loves at stake, Yanne must face a difficult choice; to flee, as she has done so many times before, or to confront her most dangerous enemy ..... Herself.
.... Outer back cover.


FIRST SENTENCE: (Chapter 1): It is a relatively little-known fact that, over the course of a single year, about twenty million letters are delivered to the dead.


MEMORABLE MOMENT (Page 480): She's the wind that blows at the turn of the year. She's the sound of one hand clapping. She's the lump in your mother's breast. She's the absent look in your daughter's eyes. She's the cry of the cat. She's in the confessional. She's hiding inside the black pinata. But most of all she is simply Death; greedy old Mictecacihuatl herself, Santa Muerte, the Eater of Hearts, most terrible of the Kindly Ones.


KEEP IT OR NOT?: Yes, this is one for the shelves.


A sort  of follow on from the author's CHOCOLAT, The Lollipop Shoes(which takes place four years after the events at Lanquenet-sous-Tannes) could be read as a stand alone novel but to get the best out of it I would highly recommend that Chocolat be read first - it has been several years since I last read it and I know I would have benefited from re-reading it before reading this 'second' instalment.


A much larger book of 571 pages The Lollipop Shoes is well written, a magical story that somehow manages to be modern and, yet at the same time, strangely old fashioned. Full of wonderfully written characters all of whom had their own story to tell it was almost like meeting up with old friends, seeing how things that were hinted at in Chocolat developed ...... or didn't as the case might be.


To be honest though I did not enjoy this nearly as much as Chocolat and found myself quite disappointed by Vianne (now known as Yanne)in that the author did not take the opportunity to delve much further into her psyche. A much better, though far from likable character, was Zozie - flamboyant, fascinating and more than a little scary, she was a joy to read.


Narrated by the three main characters, Vianne/Yanne, Anouk (now Annie) and newcomer, Zozie, the story, on the whole, was easy to follow except for one or two occasions towards the end when the story seemed to waver and I admit I found my mind wondering.


Interspersed with stories that Yanne/Vianne was told as a child by her mother whilst this was interesting I'm not convinced if it added anything to the book or just made a relatively long novel unnecessarily longer.


All in all a good read. If you enjoyed Chocolat then you might enjoy this. And if you haven't read Chocolat then I recommend you do so.

FROM MR BLOOM TO MR FOX.

A bit of a non-story really but hey its Wednesday as I sit typing this post and its the only article to make me chuckle so far.

You don't watch Children's TV? Me neither though I might very well have to start.

MR BLOOM, THE SEX GOD OF CBEEBIES? Mothers on the internet discussion board have this week been declaring their bodily yearning for Mr Bloom (pictured above) from the CBeebies (a tv channel dedicated to pre-school aged children)gardening show Mr Bloom's Nursery.

"He can bed me down for the night anytime," said one. "How many of you ladies would be willing to cuddle his courgette?" enthused another. - Julia Raeside, The Guardian (24/08/2011)

'Travelling' onto two articles about pensioners and their mobility scooters.

Pensioners' mobility scooters could be fitted with satnav systems so relations can find them if they go missing.

Family members would be able to pinpoint their elderly relations on the internet thanks to data from the satellite trackers. - The Telegraph (25/08/2011)

A pensioner brought traffic to a halt when he carried out a go-slow protest on his mobility scooter.

John Teasdale, 80, of Earls Colne, Essex, took the action after he was not allowed on to his bus home because the driver said there was no room for his scooter. - The Telegraph (27/08/2011)

And now for Husband dearest's choice ..... I only hope he wasn't thinking of me as he read this.

WOMEN ATTACKS CASH MACHINE WITH SHOE. Forgotten PINs, cards swallowed, unexpected charges and mystery transactions on your on-screen mini-statement — there are plenty of reasons to feel frustrated when at a cash machine.

However, unlike one woman in Wiltshire, most of us don't respond by hitting it almost 50 times with our shoes. - James Andrews, Yahoo (25/08/2011)Please be sure to click on the article heading to view video footage.

And so onto this next article first seen on the post entitled DARWIN AWARD NOMINEE  on the blog of MadPriest @ Of Course, I Could Be Wrong.

BREAST IMPLANT EXPLODES DURING GAME OF PAINTBALL. A London woman is recovering after her breast implant was ruptured during a game of paintball - the first time such an injury is believed to have occurred in Britain. 

The woman's bizarre injury, suffered last weekend, caused UK Paintball - which operates more than 50 facilities throughout the UK - to insist that women with breast enhancements now wear extra chest protection, the Croydon Guardian reported. - Herald Sun (25/08/2011)

My favourite two articles of the week .......

(OR is that the woman attacking the cash machine?)

A burglar on crutches 'hobbled off' leaving his loot behind, after he was confronted by home owners a court heard.

Anthony Pollard, 31, denies burgling a house in January. He had a leg in plaster and was using crutches when he was arrested two days later. - The Telegraph (26/08/2011)

BUDGIE THIEF TO BE ELECTRONICALLY TAGGED. A convicted budgie thief is to be tagged after a court heard he had a "fixation with small creatures".

Dean Wells, 19, admitted stealing three budgerigars from his uncle's house in Elgin, north east Scotland.

He also stole two more from a nearby aviary, where he was caught with the birds in his pockets.

(And here's what made me laugh) His solicitor said: "I have told him that no matter how much he loves these little creatures, he simply can't take other people's." - The Telegraph (27/08/2011)

And lastly ........

My animal picture of the week.

A disused gravel quarry became a playground for a young fun loving fox.

(Picture: Solent)

PLEASE NOTE : Wherever possible I will endeavour to bring you the links to articles I have used in my Media Monday posts but this is not always possible.

THE GRIM REAPER AKA ????????

It's funny how people of different beliefs, different religions, different cultures etc view different things. A broad, sweeping statement I know, but in particular I'm thinking about Death. Morbid I know but typing my 'Memorable Moment' from THE LOLLIPOP SHOES by Joanne Harris (see my review soon) got me thinking as to the names we used and just how we visualised the Grim Reaper.

She's the wind that blows at the turn of the year. She's the sound of one hand clapping. She's the lump in your mother's breast. She's the absent look in your daughter's eyes. She's the cry of the cat. She's in the confessional. She's hiding inside the black pinata. But most of all she is simply Death; greedy old Mictecacihuatl herself, Santa Muerte, the Eater of Hearts, most terrible of the Kindly Ones.  - The Lollipop Shoes, Page 480.  

Ah yes, the Grim Reaper - an English 'creation' who from the 15th century onwards came to be portrayed as a skeletal figure carrying a large scythe, clothed in a black cloak with a hood OR as the Urban Dictionary explains he is .....

Death with a capital D. Perhaps the most recognized entity of all time, neither ghost nor god; the Grim Reaper is a psychopomp who’s job is to conduct the souls of the recently dead into the afterlife. He is often depicted as a tall pale skeletal figure shrouded in a long, dark, black hooded cloak wielding a scythe which he uses to harvest souls with, although some accounts say he just touches the person to pop their soul so they don’t feel pain when they die. When he moves, he seemingly glides rather than walking.

He?

Yes, he. In many languages (English included)Death is personified in male form though in some others 'it' is perceived as feminine.

Take for example the afore mentioned Mictecacihuatl, the Goddess of Death and the Underworld who the Aztecs depicted with a skull face, a skirt made of serpents and sagging breasts. Her job? To watch over the bones of the dead which may possibly be needed to create the people of another future world.

OR how about Santa Muerte?

Also depicted in female form, Santa Muerte is a sacred figure venerated in Mexico. Referred to by many names, including amongst others Señora de las Sombras (Lady of the Shadows),  Señora Blanca (White Lady)and  La Flaca (The Skinny One), she usually appears as a skeletal figure who carries a scythe and a globe. 

And what about the Eater of Hearts?

Ammut (Ammit, Ahemait, Ammemet, Egyptian demoness of punishment, she was also known as 'The Devourer' and 'Great of Death' as well as the Eater of Hearts. Waiting by the Scales of Judgement to consume the heads of those who did evil during their lives, she was never considered a Goddess but embodied the creatures that the Egyptians feared, threatening to eat them if they did not follow the principles of Ma'at, the Eygptian concept of truth, law and justice.


Hmm, interesting. I'd love to know about your/your cultures perceptions on Death as a 'person'. Perhaps you'd like to leave a comment OR even write a post of your own .... just don't forget to leave a link if you do.


But you know I couldn't end this post without mention of Terry Pratchett's vision of Death.


A DISCWORLD character and a favourite of Husband dearest Death like most Grim Reapers is a black robed skeleton who usually carries a scythe. However,he does not appear as Death in the universal sense, his only jurisdiction being in the Discworld itself,he can only go where people believe in death and although not invisible (he can be seen by those of a magical disposition, children and cats)most people refuse to acknowledge him unless he insists.

TRAMS, BIKES AND AUTOMOBILES.

A runaway tram rolled through Prague with the driver chasing it on a bicycle. the tram left its depot and travelled about half a mile on its tracks down a busy road before the authorities switched off the electricity, bringing it to a halt. The driver was slightly injured after trying to board the moving tram unsuccessfully.


Thief Michael Letendre,19, was arrested for stealing a bike and riding it to the police station. He told surprised officers in Edmonton he'd taken it because he was late for an appointment with his probation officer. He was sentenced to four months in jail.


When an angry French wife ordered her hubby to choose between her or his motorbike, she found herself up for sale. The advert said she came with 'a loud voice' and 'the ability to spend other people's money'. Unsurprisingly, she got on her bike and left her husband.


A bank robber was arrested in Petrich after he fell off his getaway motorcycle. He'd stolen £120,000 - which, in local currency, was so many notes that his loot became too heavy and caused him to lose his balance.


An inquisitive three-year-old wrecked a special fundraising competition in a shopping centre in Perth. Charity workers who had filled a car with plastic balls for a 'guess the number' contest looked on in horror as the toddler opened the car's doors, allowing all the balls to spill out.

BEING EMILY.

The 62nd book read for my 100+ Reading Challenge.....


BEING EMILY by ANNE DONOVAN


Things are never dull for the O'Connell family. Squeezed between her quiet older brother and the mischievous line-dancing twins, Fiona finds her escape in the books of Emily Bronte. But tragedy is not confined to Victorian novels, and life for Fiona is about to change forever.


Moving, funny and ultimately heartwarming, Being Emily is a wonderful novel about one young girl trying to find her place in the world amid the turmoil that only your own family can create.
.... Outer back cover.


FIRST SENTENCE: Through in the livin room Patrick was paintin the fireplace while Mona and Rona practised their linedancin.


MEMORABLE MOMENT(Page 16): Ah sat in the swing next tae Jemma's, started to move higher and higher, usin ma knees tae power me. Ah loved the squidgy feelin in my belly, felt ah was flyin. Ah kept on swingin, fast and high for a few minutes, then let the swing slow doon till it idled and stopped.


KEEP IT OR NOT?: A Reading Group read, this will be returned for other groups to read.


As with every 'rule' there is the exception and I'm afraid to say that this novel was very nearly the exception to my rule that says when I have started a book I must finish it. I put it down and picked it up on so many occasions that I thought I would never get it read and I must confess that I did skip whole paragraphs.


Set in Glasgow, Scotland, the author chose to write much of the dialogue as it would have been spoken (my Memorable Moment being an example) which meant that, at best, I was having to reread large bits of the book several times and, at worse, I was totally unable to follow what was being said which, I'm afraid, almost ashamed, to say meant I never found myself involved with the characters let alone the plot.

SPENDING A PENNY AND MORE.

Oh dear what can the matter be?

PRISON VISITOR STUCK IN THE LAVATORY ..... For 23 hours.

A female prison visitor nipped to the loo after going to see her jailed husband and guards locked her in by mistake.

The error happened after she had popped to spend a penny as the prisoners went back to their cells and the visitors were leaving.

The unfortunate woman was found the next day when the block was unlocked 23 hours later. - Greig Box-Turnbull, The Mirror (16/08/2011)

A royal visit?

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge were among the caricatures at the annual scarecrow festival in Kettlewell in the Yorkshire Dales. - The Guardian (15/08/2011)

The Royal 'Scare'crows

- photo courtesy of the Metro newspaper.

Staying with the royal couple .....

WEDDING DOLLS LAUNCHED. New Prince William and Princess Catherine wedding dolls have been unveiled at London's famous toy shop, Hamleys.

William's doll is dressed in his scarlet Irish Guards colonel uniform, while his wife Catherine is in her white wedding dress.

The boxed set of both dolls costs £100, while the Catherine doll by itself costs £50. The William doll is not sold separately. - 3News (19/08/2011)

'Scary' Dolls.

And talking of scary ...... Would you wear these? Would you let your boyfriend/partner/husband wear these?

BANISH THAT BEER BELLY WITH ...... MANX. Men wishing to banish their beer belly without spending hours in the gym have been given new hope.

The maker of a new range of figure-hugging boxer shorts claims they lift flabby backsides, suck in beer bellies and smooth away so-called love handles. - Martin Evans, The Telegraph (15/08/2011)

Now for some news from across the pond.

NASA WARNS CUT CARBON TO AVOID ALIEN ATTACK. It may not rank as the most compelling reason to curb greenhouse gases, but reducing our emissions could save us from a pre-emptive alien attack.

Watching from afar, extraterrestrial beings might view changes in Earth's atmosphere as symptomatic of a civilisation growing out of control – and take drastic action to keep us from becoming a more serious threat, the researchers explain. - Ian Sample, The Guardian (19/08/2011).

And last but not least my story of the week .....

ANGLER REELS IN SCUBA DIVER. An angler fought to reel in what he thought was an enormous fish, only to discover he had hooked a scuba diver.

The thrilled lifelong angler had to fight to reel in the catch as he looked forward to netting a massive fish.

But his excitement turned to shock when his hook surfaced about 15 metres offshore to reveal the hapless frogman.

To add insult to injury the struggling diver had been hooked between his legs. - The Telegraph (19/08/2011)

PLEASE NOTE : Wherever possible I will endeavour to bring you the links to articles I have used in my Media Monday posts but this is not always possible.

SO YOU THINK NOTHING TASTES AS GOOD AS SKINNY FEELS?

Aggggggghhhhhhhhhh.

I was annoyed and saddened before but now I'm even more so.

With a recent survey claiming that over 50% of girls aged 12 living here in the UK had been on a diet, I then read about this book.......

Maggie Goes On A Diet by Paul Krammer.

Set to go on sale this October, Maggie Goes On A Diet is aimed at six-to-twelve-year-olds according to Barnes And Noble, four-to-eight year-olds according to Amazon.

Written and self-publicised by Hawaii-based author Paul Kramer, the book tells the story of Maggie, a heavily 14-year-old girl who becomes a school football star after losing weight.

The book description?

'This book is about a 14 year old girl who goes on a diet and is transformed from being extremely overweight and insecure to a normal sized girl who becomes the school soccer star.

'Through time, exercise and hard work, Maggie becomes more and more confident and develops a positive self image.'

Now I'm just as concerned about the number of children with eating disorders as the next person but I'm totally outraged by even the idea of a book of this sort being aimed at children aged as young as four.

Yes, yes, I know, I haven't read the book and I'm against the banning of books BUT in this instance  I confess that I find myself wondering why reputable booksellers such as Barnes And Noble and, Amazon are stocking it and am not at all surprised that Amazon.co.uk customers are saying (and I quote)........ 

This book is an abomination!

Please withdraw this book from sale Amazon

(click on above links to join the discussion)

So what says you?

Before you answer you might be interested to know that it was only recently that our Advertising Standards Authority banned the children's clothing website Zazzle.co.uk from stocking girls T-shirts carrying the slogan .......

"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels"

Doesn't it then seem bizarre that this book will be hitting the shelves in a matter of months?

BLUE MOON.

BLUE MOON by LAURELL K. HAMILTON.

Richard was an alpha werewolf. It was his only serious flaw. We'd broken up after I'd seen him eat somebody.

You never forget your ex-fiance. And when the call came at three in the morning, I thought for a moment it was him. It wasn't. It was his brother. And it wasn't good news. Apparently, the former love of my life had got himself thrown into jail for assaulting a woman.


Since I make my living as a preternatural expert, I tend to believe almost anything's possible. But though he may be one of the monsters, Richard would never harm a woman. so it's Anita to the rescue. I've got just a few days to spring Richard and find out who framed him - and why. There's a full moon coming, and if my werewolf love is still behind bars when it rises, he'll be facing a lot worse than an assault charge.
..... Outer back cover.


FIRST SENTENCE (Chapter 1): I was dreaming of cool flesh and sheets the color of fresh blood.

MEMORABLE MOMENT (Page 318): "Money doesn't spend in hell, Wilkes. The devil deals in a different coin."

KEEP IT OR NOT?: Not though I shall be passing it on to another friend who has read any books in the serial.

Let me begin by defending Blue Moon by saying that this was part 8 in the Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter series none of which I've ever read before so there were parts that I didn't fully understand. Would it have been more readable if I had read previous books? Hmm, do you know I'm not convinced it would AND, to be totally honest, if this is a fair indication of the quality of writing I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have reached this far if I had read any of the other books.

With a promising start, by about half way through (and I'm probably being generous here) I found myself struggling, really struggling.

To me the narrative just didn't flow and what started out as an ok read quickly seemed to become a collection of antedotes that led to my reading pages and pages of a sexual or violent nature (sometime both) which quickly became very boring.

And it wasn't just the plot either. I also found the characters pretty tedious. Full of vampires and wereanimals I quickly lost off as to who was which (not a problem if I'd read any of the other books? Perhaps not.) 

And, to be totally honest, I just didn't find either of the main characters believable. Anita (vampire executioner and necromancer), I started out quite liking, feisty and independent, she was a real kick-ass kind of chick typical of this genre. However I quickly tired of her and found myself thinking her less and less believable as the story went on. As for werewolf Richard (not that his parents realised he was one. How could they have missed this?)I found him laughable - squeamish about killing other shapeshifters let alone human beings, there were several lengthy references to him blow drying his hair.

The 61st book read for my 100+ Reading Challenge, Blue Moon was not the best supernatural story I've ever read. Ex library stock, I'm glad I only paid 30p for it.

A STITCH IN TIME.

And just in case you are having difficulties with the accent, click HERE for the lyrics.

THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS WHAT THEY SEEM.

Six female cleaners were arrested at Manila Airport, while dressed as nuns going to a religious convention. They were trying to get around a law banning workers from seeking jobs in the Middle East. Immigration officer Joel Valencia said "Their appearance aroused suspicion when we noticed one of them had red shoes and a colourful handbag."


A thief who tried to steal a valuable comic book was stopped ... by Spider-Man.
Adelaide shop owner Michael Baulderstone, 45, was wearing his outfit for a comic convention day. A group of customers dressed as Jedi Knights and The Flash also blocked the doors to stop the thief escaping.


Two escaped convicts baffled Argentinian police officers by disguising themselves as sheep. Maximiliano Pereyra, 25, and Ariel Diaz, 28, wore sheepskin fleeces and hid among flocks for months.

THE UNADULTERATED CAT.

The 60th book read for my 100+ reading Challenge.

THE UNADULTERATED CAT by TERRY PRATCHETT (Cartoons by GRAY JOLLIFFE).


The Real unadulterated cat is under threat of extinction as more and more of us settle for the boring, mass-produced, purr-fect pussycats that appear in adverts - the fluffy cats that wear bows and eat from gold-plated bowls marked Kitty. All is not lost, however, The Campaign for Real Cats sets out to change all that by helping us to recognise an authentic, unadulterated cat when we see one.


For example:

• Real cats never wear flea collars or appear on Christmas cards or chase anything with a bell on it.
• Cats with ears that look like they have been trimmed with pinking shear are Real cats.
• Real cats do eat quiche. And giblets. And butter. And anything else left on the side if they think they can get away with it. They can hear a fridge door opening two rooms away.
• Real cats don't need names. But they often get called them.

........ Inner front cover.


FIRST SENTENCE (Chapter 1: The Campaign for Real Cats):Far too many people these days have grown used to boring, mass-produced cats, which may bounce with health and nourishing vitamins but aren't a patch on the good old cats you used to get.


MEMORABLE MOMENT (Page 61): You take the pill in one hand and in the other you take a large kitchen towel with one angry head poking out of the end. With your third hand you prise open the tiny jaws, insert the pill, clamp the jaws shut and, with your fourth hand, tickle the throat until a small noise indicates that the pill has gone down.
You wish.


KEEP IT OR NOT?: Oh yes.


Have you ever bought anyone a present knowing full well that it is as much of a gift for you as for the recipient? I'm afraid I have to hold my hands up to this one and admit that, yes, I bought this for Husband dearest knowing that I'd enjoy it just as much as he would.


A must read for anyone who has ever been owned by a cat, this had me knowingly nodding my head in agreement and, if not laughing out loud, giggling quietly to myself.


Full of wonderful antedotes with headings like 'Sort of Tabby Cats with a Bit of Ginger, But Sometimes In the Right Light You Could Swear There's a Hint of Siamese There', 'Real cats know what the bathroom is for', and 'The German Sheepcat' Terry Pratchett's observations are almost (but not quite) as funny as Gray Jolliffe's wonderful cartoons.


My only disappointment? At only 157 pages it isn't longer.

SINK SAVES MAN, AIRBAGS FOR MOBILE PHONES AND MORE.

How lucky this........

MAN SAVED BY KITCHEN SINK. A man struck by lightning survived — thanks to a kitchen SINK.

Kevin Holden, 61, was watching a storm brewing from his back door when he felt his whole house shake.

He suddenly realised he had left a large golfing umbrella outside and rushed outside to grab it. But as he opened and closed it to shake off the rain on his way back inside, he saw a bright blue flash and was thrown 4ft into the air.

Kevin fell backwards and instinctively clung on to a stainless steel sink to steady himself then watched as an arc of electricity left his body from his thumb and travelled though the basin. -  Laura Caroe, The Sun (08/08/2011)

And how unlucky this ......

A motorist is lucky to be alive after a cow leaptvover a three-foot fence and landed on his car.

The fresian cow has written off Robert Gould's Citoren C5 after denting the bonnet and breaking a wheel. - The Telegraph (12/08/2011)

In the past I have brought you several job vacancies working for her majesty, the Queen, here's the latest.

The Queen is looking for an £80,000-a-year helicopter pilot to fly the Royal family on official duties. - The Telegraph (11/08/2011) Read more in Female First: Celebrity Gossip and Lifestyle Magazine by clicking HERE.

 

Talk about a sticky ending ....

THIEF CAUGHT IN OPERATION RHUBARB AND CUSTARD. The owners of a sweet shop concealed cameras among the traditional jars and hid in the store all night dressed in black to catch a thief.

Jane and Neil Hutton called their vigil Operation Rhubarb And Custard, which also involved booby traps that the culprit would walk into when he made his way to the till.

They strategically placed rubbish-filled bin bags, bottles of cleaning products and cans of cream soda to create a noise if they fell asleep as they lay in wait.

Mr Hutton said: "At every stage there were little traps, things that would tell us exactly where he was and what he was doing.

"First the Victorian shop bell rang as someone came in and then there was the sound of the Windowlene bottle being knocked over by the first till.

"Next came the rustling of someone fighting through full bin bags in the dark and then, and this was not in the plan, the sounds of the loo being used and flushed.

"Next he tripped over the cans of cream soda placed to distract him as he approached our hiding place."

When the thief then crept out of the storeroom of the shop in Marlow, Bucks, the black-clad Huttons rushed him and locked the door until police arrived to arrest him. - Lucy Cockcroft, The Telegraph (12/08/2011)

Dropped your mobile phone recently? Not to worry, Amazon may have the answer .......

All it takes is one moment of clumsiness and your mobile phone can lie broken on the floor.

But it is a nuisance that could soon be forgotten, as technicians are working on airbags that would protect mobiles when they are dropped.

Amazon has applied for a patent for a built-in device that can tell when a phone is falling by detecting acceleration, then shoot out tiny airbags. - The Telegraph (13/08/2011)

PLEASE NOTE : Wherever possible I will endeavour to bring you the links to articles I have used in my Media Monday posts but this is not always possible.

AN EDUCATION INTO WEREWOLVES

Funny the things we learn from films and books.

Take werewolves ....... I always thought a werewolf was a werewolf was a werewolf, you know the stereotype, changed at the full moon and could only be killed by a silver bullet.

OK, so reading the True Blood series of books educated me in that I discovered werewolves (and other were-creatures)could actually change at other times, it didn't have to be at the time of a full moon. 

But it has taken my latest read, FOOL MOON by Jim Butcher to further my education even further.

Did you, for example, know .......

There are in fact different kinds of werewolves who are usually defined by how they get from human form to wolf form.

• Werwolves. Technically speaking a werewolf is a theriomorph? A what? A theriomorph - anything that shapeshifts from a human being into animal form. The classic werewolf simply being a human  who uses magic to shift him/herself into a wolf. Most who learn to do this aren't very good at it for they keep all their own humanity, thinking and reasoning as a human being and without the reflexes or instincts of a wolf. As for a silver bullet being the only thing able to kill them - a Hollywood myth, just like a real wolf they can be hurt, killed even, with the usual array of weapons. Oh and you can't be 'changed' into a werewolf by being bitten.
• Hexenwolves. A human who makes a deal with a demon or a powerful sorcerer. They get a wolf-hide belt (or some other amulet), put it on, say the magic words and, hey presto, they're a wolf who, because they are using a talisman, lose all their human inhibitions and run with their unconscious desires - basically a huge wolf with human-level intelligence and animal-level ferocity.
• Lycanthropes. A natural channel for a spirit of rage, a lycanthrope turns into a beast but only inside their head, they are unable to actually shapeshift into a wolf. The spirit takes over, affecting the way the individual thinks and acts, making them stronger, more aggressive, very resistant to pain or injury and able to heal rapidly.
• Loup-garou. Major monsters, someone has cursed them to become a wolf like demon. With supernatural speed, power and ferocity when the full moon comes (they only change then) they transform into a monster, slaughtering everything in their path until the moon sets or the sun rises. Recovering from injuries almost instantly, they are immune to poison and any kind of sorcery that goes to their brain AND here's where the silver bullets come in ....... Only a silver weapon can hurt a loup-garou but it has to be silver that is inherited from a family member.

Hmm, fascinating stuff.

And now for ........

My favourite 'werewolf' theme tune, Creedence Clearwater Revival's Bad Moon Rising made popular by the film An American Werewolf In London.

FLODDEN FIELD: A NOVEL.

FLODDEN FIELD: A NOVEL by Elisabeth McNEILL.


James IV of Scotland was the most charismatic, but also the most doomed, of the Stewart family to sit on the Scottish throne. Brilliantly clever, handsome and daring, he disdained his brother-in-law, Henry VIII of England, and set out on a flimsy excuse to inflict a resounding defeat on Scotland's ancient enemy.

He almost succeeded. On September 9th, 1513, he and his invading army of fifty thousand men stood on Braxton Heights near Flodden and faced an English army of over twenty-five thousand.


Told from several different perspectives, from the King himself to Lucy, a young tearaway, the fateful battle is described in fascinating and heart-rending detail. Few households in the south of Scotland did not lose at least one man that terrible day. The Scottish nation never recovered.
...... Inner front cover.


FIRST SENTENCE (Chapter 1): Tall and thin, dressed in a dark cloak and a black bonnet with a wilting plume, he strode past the darkened booths around St Giles and headed down Edinburgh's deserted High Street.


MEMORABLE MOMENT (Page 100): The shadows from the flickering candles made her eyes sink black in their sockets and her nose jutted out like the prow of a ship. She looked like the carved effigy from the top of a tomb.


KEEP IT OR NOT?: Not.


Though I love my historical fiction I haven't read a lot of books about James IV of Scotland and I certainly haven't come across author Elisabeth McNeill before - what did I think of this her 22nd stand-alone novel?


Disappointing just about says it all. No doubt very historically accurate, I just didn't like the author's style of writing which was so matter of fact and passionless (yes, even the battle scenes)that it bordered on being totally boring, the 198 pages (201 if you count the Afterword) seeming much longer. 


Seemingly better at writing female characters than male, there is really only one individual who sticks out in my mind, Isabella Hoppringle, abbess of Coldstream Abbey. What a fascinating character, obviously well researched, Elisabeth McNeill paints a wonderfully vivid picture of a woman who actually lived which, to me, goes some way to preventing this book from being a total flop.

Ex-library stock, this was the 59th book read in my 100+ Reading Challenge.